


Passing By

by Gyakuten



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: Canon Compliant, Character Study, During Canon, Friendship, Gen, Introspection, Self-Discovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:47:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 36,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21881755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gyakuten/pseuds/Gyakuten
Summary: Rin freezes up during practice, right in front of Eli. To find out why, Eli walks home with her. Along the way, she discovers more than she could’ve asked for about Rin — and herself.
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Season's Greetings! This story is something I was inspired to write by Eli and Rin's sparse (but cute) interactions in School Idol Project. As you read, I hope you learn as much about Eli and Rin as I did while writing it :) Constructive criticism is greatly welcomed.

It was a warm, sunny, mid-summer day as μ's practiced on the Otonokizaka rooftop. All nine members were in attendance, everyone had the lyrics down pat, and they all sang and danced with the kind of lively uniformity that made one's heart swell with hope for humanity. Everything was in perfect harmony for another day in the life of a school idol.

So why, then, did Eli feel this strange, wintry chill running through her body?

It was all she could think about, even if her outward appearance didn't show it. Engaging her "dancer's autopilot", Eli weaved, hopped, and strutted across the rooftop with a smile while her internal face furrowed its brow in deep reflection. _What made today's practice different from all the others, I wonder...?_

Her mind's eye found its way to her apartment's living room from earlier that morning. After a long night of homework, chores, and thinking up ways to fine-tune their choreography, Eli had started the day drenched in lethargy, leading her to run through her morning routine slower than usual. And unlike usual, she was still in the living room when Alisa had woken up and walked in on Eli packing her training uniform.

"You're really giving it your all, huh?" Alisa had said, looking up at her big sister with a bright and wide-eyed face that betrayed how she had just woken up. Eli had responded with an enthusiastic "Of course!", to which Alisa had followed up with:

"Have you found out what μ's means to you yet?"

Eli couldn't answer that question beyond an inaudible gasp and the excuse that she was going to be late for a pre-class student council advisory with Honoka and the others. Afterwards, she had managed to put off mulling over the question by keeping herself busy with her daily affairs, but this respite had only lasted until the end of classes. Practice began soon afterward, and there, Honoka had opened up with:

_"Yume no Tobira..."_

The Door of Dreams... That was when the chills had started. Those impossibly idealistic words had rung in Eli's ears and resonated throughout her entire body, stirring up something deep in her soul... But what? The question had remained at the forefront of Eli's mind until a few seconds later, when Umi, Rin, and Nozomi had sung:

_"Tomorrow is waiting, so we have to go"_

This line had also struck a chord with Eli, but this time, she knew why. Because of μ's' image, they all had to dance through that part in an uplifting tone and with smiles plastered on their faces. But with the latter half of the school year fast approaching, Eli had to wonder: could any of them really bring themselves to say that, knowing that the start and end of μ's' journey were as close together as two lovers holding hands?

_Speaking of hands..._

Now, the rehearsal was getting to Eli's favourite part of the choreography. After turning to her right, Eli brought her right arm up in front of her and stretched her palm out as far as it would go. It reminded her — with a mixture of nostalgia and embarrassment — of when she was a little girl constantly trying to get her mother's attention. The hand that was always in want of another person's arm... While that fit the song's theme of connection, Eli couldn't help but admonish herself for sneaking a little bit of her own childish desires into the choreography, even if it was unintentional. _What would the others think if they found that out?_

On that self-conscious note, she looked across the rooftop where Rin stood a few paces in front of her. Sure enough, she had mirrored Eli's movements so that her right hand was poised to meet Eli's own. And, of course, her entire face beamed with that youthful, cherubic smile that was not unlike Alisa's. Seeing this made Eli internally sigh with relief, as that meant no one had overheard her noisy thoughts. In the distance, Umi's clapping came once, then twice, and on that cue, Eli brought one leg forward at the same time that Rin—

_Wait, what is Rin doing?_

The beat for the first step had come and gone, but Rin was still standing in the exact same spot, her legs stock-still as if frozen in an invisible block of ice. But what struck Eli the most was her expression: the childish smile from before had unfurled into a frown, lips parted slightly as if they were about to say something, and the eyes... They stared straight into Eli's own, even wider than before, with a certain unflinching gaze that at once seemed so foreign to Eli — but at the same time, indescribably familiar.

_*CLAP*_

The sound of the next beat struck Eli like a bolt of lightning, and it was then that she became aware that her foot was still hanging in mid-air.

Still hanging there — an entire beat late.

 _No way... How could I mess up like that!?_ Quickly, she brought her foot down, but this ended up producing a loud, inelegant _*SMACK*_ as if to draw everyone's attention to her mistake.

She winced. No way they wouldn't have noticed that. But, as she'd so often heard during her ballerina career: "The show must go on." She brought her other foot up, determined to get the next step down to the exact nanosecond, when—

" _CUUUT!_ "

Umi's clapping stopped and everyone, including Eli, froze midstep to find the source of the outburst. Unsurprisingly, their eyes landed on Nico, who had her hands cupped over her mouth as a makeshift megaphone.

Maki was the first to break the silence — with a groan. "What's your problem, oh great Director Yazawa-chan?"

"First of all, that's Director Yazawa- _SAN_ to you!" Nico ignored Maki's subsequent eyeroll as she turned to the others with her chest puffed up. "And second, I just happened to witness our near-flawless rehearsal get _SABOTAGED_ by a certain someone up at the front."

In an instant, Eli had seven pairs of eyes on her, casting gazes so icy that she could feel herself shiver from social hypothermia. _Had_ they actually seen her step wildly off-beat earlier? Had she accidentally revealed to them that their accomplished choreographer wasn't as talented or as flawless as she'd built herself up to be? Or, worst of all: had she just shown these people, who had already given up their free time just for the sake of making her final year of high school a little less disappointing than the first two, that she wasn't taking her own responsibilities seriously? Eli's vision started going white and hazy, as if a spotlight were burning itself directly into her retinas. Instinctively, she crossed her arms, trying to keep her cracked persona from falling apart...

...Though that was only necessary for the better part of a second. The other girls' gazes lifted off of Eli's body with ease, as if they had never intended to linger there in the first place. Instead, they shifted their focus to something else — or rather, some _one_ else to Eli's left.

"N-n-nya...!?" Rin took a step back with her open palms thrown up in front of her chest, as if μ's' collective gaze was a force of wind pushing her back.

"Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about," said Nico. "I mean..." She raised her outstretched palm out in front of her, in the same fashion that Eli had done earlier, and then held that pose with an awkward stiffness. With her eyes crossed and mouth hanging open like a door someone had forgotten to close, she mumbled, "Duuuh, I dunno what to dooooo."

"Wh—"

Rin tried to speak, but Nico cut her off: "You really think no one would notice that!?"

"I... I..." Rin hung her head down. Watching her sent a chill through Eli's body that made her squeeze her arms closer to her chest. Of course Rin couldn't respond, because Nico was right; after all, Eli had witnessed, with her own eyes, the moment Rin had stood transfixed on the edge of the rooftop as the din of Umi's metronome swept over her like an unwarranted tidal wave. But, counter to Nico's impression, Rin hadn't stood there looking like a doofus. No, it was quite the opposite; those wide eyes had been focused on something, something deep within Eli's own eyes, maybe calling for help...

_So why didn't I help her?_

As an awkward silence hung over the rooftop, Eli shifted the weight between her legs, and that was when she cursed herself for realizing the answer: it was because she was only focused on herself. Even when one of her kouhais was clearly in distress, all she cared about was what others were thinking of Eli Ayase, the apparent center of the universe. Even now, she had turned her gaze away from the scene, instead looking down at her arms crossed over her chest.

_Look. At. Her._

Heeding her own pep talk, Eli brought her head back up and allowed Rin's figure to fill her field of vision. Rin was looking down, staring at her feet, her lips quivering slightly. Though Eli couldn't put into words the face that Rin had made earlier, this one right now was one she knew all too well — for it was the same expression Eli would make whenever she left the audition hall, after making a single misstep at the end of her performance, with her Babushka holding her hand and trying (and failing) to reassure her as the two of them plodded through the Russian cold together...

Eli exhaled as she turned to face Nico. She opened her mouth, but before anything could come out—

"Um..."

The outburst (if it could even be called that, as it was just loud enough to keep from getting swept away by the mid-July breeze) had come from the side with the fence, which had been designated as stage-left. Eight members of μ's turned there to find Hanayo raising her hand. "Rin-chan is usually a little off the first few times we practice a song, but um..."

"A 'little' off?" Nico snorted. "She wasn't even _CLOSE_ to being on-beat! There's no way we'll beat A-RISE if _SOME_ people here aren't gonna take things seriously!"

Normally, this was where Eli's supervisor instinct would kick in, urging her to step in and plead, with as much calm passive-aggression as she could muster, for Nico to calm down. But, chastising herself for putting her own feelings before Rin's once again, she forced herself to glance at Rin first. The younger girl had her hands balled into fists and her entire body was shaking, as if it were a dam about to crack open. A faint memory of Alisa throwing a temper tantrum flashed through Eli's mind, and before she knew it, she had taken two steps toward Rin. But she, and everyone else, stopped in their tracks when another voice rang out.

"That's enough, Nico!" Umi's deep, authoritative command cut through the air of tension like a samurai's sword. "Rin may have missed a step, but that doesn't give you the right to put her down like she isn't even trying!"

"I agree," said Maki, stepping forward. "And after all, this choreography is a lot more demanding than our previous ones. You said so yourself, didn't you, Eli?"

It took a second and eight pairs of eyes on her for Eli to realize she was being spoken to.

"R-right!" Placing a hand on her hip, Eli threw her shoulders back slightly in order to regain some sense of composure. "This dance has a lot of sudden shifts, so I can't blame Rin, or anyone else here, for having trouble keeping up. We've still got a week and a half before the prelims, so for now, let's just focus on getting all our parts down pat, and then fine-tune things later."

She turned to Nico with an overly-earnest smile. "Okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I get it," said Nico, puffing her cheeks in disdain.

Eli smiled, happy to see that she had gotten everything under control again. "In that case, let's call it a day."

"Oh man, I thought you'd never say that!" Honoka stretched her arms up with a loud, shameless groan. "You're so mean, Eli-chan, making us do hard dances like this!"

"Well, I—"

Any bit of reasoning Eli tried to instill was drowned out by the laughter of the other girls. A few months ago, Eli would have taken that as mockery, but as she was now, she couldn't help but smile along. _I only push them so hard because I know they can do it._ The fact that the others could laugh about it so casually meant that the they, at least on some level, could understand those intentions.

_But..._

Amidst the ruckus, there was one thing that stood out to Eli due to its complete non-presence. A sound, a voice, one that she could always count on to compete with Honoka's for being the most lively and boisterous.

"Rin."

The name was out of Eli's mouth and her focus set on the eponymous member by the time she realized she had eight pairs of eyes on her again. With all of this unexpected attention, Eli considered asking a simple, "What's wrong?" to divert everyone's focus to Rin instead. But one look at the younger girl, revealing the wide, pleading eyes that had been staring at her all along, was enough to let Eli know that feigning ignorance would be the wrong course of action here. She _knew_ something was wrong with her kouhai, so it was her responsibility to address it. With that, she took in a deep breath and asked:

"Can I get you to stay behind for a bit?"

There was a collective gasp, Rin's eyes went even wider, and then—

"Huehuehue, now she's _REALLY_ gonna get it from Miss Ballerina," Nico whispered to Honoka. She wasn't anywhere near quiet enough, as Eli immediately shot her a glare that made her stumble back.

"Wha— but—!" Rin cried out to Eli in a high-pitched tone of disapproval, but her voice trailed off as her gaze fell back to the ground. "O-okay..."

Seeing her like that made the alarm sirens go off in Eli's mind, but before she could act on that observation, she was still keenly aware of the other seven figures standing around watching as if they were showgoers at a matinee.

"Sorry," said Eli, turning in an arc to face the other members, "But could I ask you all to go now? I don't recall asking anyone but Rin to stick around."

With that, the collective energy of μ's defused, reducing the school idol group to just another pack of schoolgirls walking and gossiping as they left for the rooftop door.

"Aw man, I wanted to see what Eli-chan had to say..."

"Liar. You just wanted to see Rin quake in her boots some more."

"How dare you say that!? I'll have you know—"

"I dunno about you guys, but I'm REAL hungry right now. Wanna go to the usual joint?"

"It's like you read my mind!"

"You two should really watch your weight..."

Eventually, their voices and footsteps faded out completely, leaving only Eli, Rin, and—

"Kayo-chin!?"

Sure enough, Hanayo was perched in front of the rooftop door, flitting her gaze back and forth between Eli and Rin as the two of them approached her from either side in a pincer formation.

"I... I..." She stumbled back a bit, and for a second Eli was worried she might actually faint. But luckily, she caught her footing and propped herself back up — with a surprisingly determined look on her face.

"I-if Rin-chan is staying," she said, directing her steely gaze at Eli, "Then I'm staying, too!"

Eli stood dumbstruck at first, but then couldn't help but smile at the results of her own foolishness. She'd thought she was being understanding and sincere by asking Rin to stay behind, but as μ's' collective gasp, Nico's comment, and now Hanayo's desperate assertiveness had made clear, Eli's proposal must have sounded less like a heartfelt plea and more like an ice queen's decree. The way Hanayo had stumbled back reminded Eli of her first student council meeting after joining μ's: she had asked the newest student council member, a first-year, to fetch some documents from the library. She hadn't made the request sound particularly urgent, but her kouhai was practically tripping over herself in a mad dash to nab those papers pronto. In shock, Eli had wondered: had her peers always treated her like some iron-fisted dictator?

Regardless of whether she was that oblivious or not, she couldn't allow this kind of relation with her peers to continue. When the younger member had come barrelling back through the council room's door, out of breath, with the documents in hand, Eli had gone over to her and enacted the 'technique' that her Babushka would always use to soothe the young Elichika's troubled heart.

_And it went a little something like this..._

Eli walked over to Hanayo — who trembled, but still held her ground — and took the kouhai's hands in hers. Ignoring Hanayo's gasp, she knelt down, just low enough so that she had to tilt her head up a teeny bit to meet Hanayo's eyes. To top it all off, she put on the warmest smile she could muster in order to melt away whatever scary, icy mask that Hanayo had seen on her face.

"Hanayo..." said Eli. "Thank you so much for standing up for Rin earlier. I'm sure you're worried about her, but..."

She let her eyes wander over to Rin, who was still keeping her distance with a neutral watching expression, before returning her focus to Hanayo's big, doe-like eyes. "What I'm about to discuss with Rin is something that I want to keep just between the two of us. I know it's tough to resist the urge to jump in and help, but just this once, you'll have to entrust Rin to me."

To seal the deal, Eli leaned in closer to Hanayo — not too much to be intimidating, but not too little to go unnoticed. It was just close enough for Hanayo to hear her say, in a voice as light as a cherry blossom:

"Okay?"

Hanayo held her gaze for a moment, mouth agape, before looking down at the ground. "I... I get what you're saying, Eli-chan. But...!"

Her grip tightened, shaking a little as if she were about to let loose a huge outburst. Eli gulped. _Had I been too forceful? Had simply copying a kind gesture not been enough?_ But that outburst never came, as it was interrupted by a small hand on Hanayo's shoulder, followed by a not-so-small voice.

"You worry too much, Kayo-chin!" The energy in Rin's voice was infectious. "If it's with Eli-chi-chan, I'm sure I'll be fine!"

Her words caught not only Hanayo off-guard, but Eli as well. _Eli-chi-chan?_ That was a new one. But more confounding than that was Rin's assertion that she would be fine with confronting _the_ Eli Ayase. The brilliant and accomplished former student council president who, up until a few months ago, had been a stone-cold adversary who constantly intimidated everyone in μ's, Rin included. The failed ballerina who had her standards set so high that even a quarter-second delay would be enough to set her alarm off. Despite the kindness Eli had just shown Hanayo, could Rin really be this chipper to face up to someone who might very well blast her for her incompetence?

But thankfully, Eli wasn't the one being waited on for a response. Hanayo stared at Rin with the same mouth-agape expression that she'd given Eli, but eventually she turned to face Eli once more. Letting go of Eli's hands, she backed up a bit and then threw her torso forward. Eli nearly jumped because she thought her kouhai was passing out right in front of her, but Hanayo managed to stop just inches from the ground.

 _She's bowing_ , Eli realized.

"P-please take good care of Rin-chan for me!"

Eli had to stop herself from laughing at Hanayo's almost comical amount of protectiveness. Then again, if she and Alisa had been in Hanayo and Rin's place, Eli probably would have acted the same way (minus the near head concussion). With that thought in mind, she patted Hanayo's head and said the words she probably wanted to hear. "No need to worry. You can count on—"

Suddenly, she felt something seizing her wrist — Hanayo had reached up to grab Eli's hand. Before Eli could react, she was tugged forward and brought into a huddle with Hanayo.

"Rin-chan, can you give us a moment?" Hanayo looked over her shoulder, probably to make sure Rin had moved a fair distance away, before whispering in Eli's ear: "You saw it too, right, Eli-chan?"

" _It_?"

"During practice earlier, when Rin-chan did... that."

Eli froze. Hanayo was still being vague — probably couldn't bring herself to say "Rin-chan's screw-up" — but Eli knew precisely what she was talking about. How could she not, when the whole ordeal had happened right in front of her and thrown off her entire sense of timing? Whatever upset had occurred in Rin's mind had also caused a disturbance in Eli's world, and now Eli was realizing that the consequences were farther-reaching than she could have ever imagined. Certainly, she didn't wake up this morning expecting Rin and Hanayo, of all people, to make her think so deeply of how she connected with μ's.

 _Have you found out what_ _μ's means to you yet?_

"...No."

" _What?_ " Alisa's face snapped back to being Hanayo's. "B-but she was right in front of you for that part of the dance..."

"O-oh sorry, I really didn't get enough sleep last night." Eli slapped her head — not just to feign fatigue to Hanayo, but also as self-punishment for answering a memory out loud. "I meant to say yes. I saw all of it with my own eyes."

"Okay, so then that means... you got the feeling she was upset over something, right?"

Eli gasped at how Hanayo had seemingly read her mind. "Well, yes, that's what I thought, but how did you know?"

" _How_? That's um, kind of a tough question, Eli-chan... I guess you could say it's because we're best friends?"

"Best friends, huh..." Eli muttered to herself. Taking her eyes off of Hanayo's, she gazed at the rooftop handrail that she remembered leaning on during her first few lunches at Otonokizaka — alone. To get so close to someone that you could understand the ebb-and-flow of their emotions — was that how 'best friends' were supposed to be? She supposed Nozomi, the closest person she had to a friend before μ's, was quite good at inferring her inner machinations — though Eli had never given her permission to do so, and even now the thought of someone infiltrating her mind made her stiff and uneasy, like a surprise wind sending chills down her back. And yet, when she looked back at Hanayo's face and how it screamed of "Rin-chan, Rin-chan, _Rin-chan_ ," Eli couldn't help but wish she'd had someone like that by her side during her formative years.

"I guess that makes sense," she said to Hanayo. "So why exactly are you bringing this up?"

"Well, I can't say for sure, but, um... I get the feeling that whatever she's upset about... has something to do with you, Eli-chan."

Eli pointed to herself with wide eyes. " _Me?_ "

Hanayo nodded. "Yes."

"Is this something you got from your 'best friend's intuition'?"

Hanayo nodded twice in quick succession. "Yes, yes!"

"And... you want me to find out what it is?"

" _Yes, exactly!_ " Hanayo jumped and latched onto Eli's shoulders, panting excitedly as if she had just won the lottery — and then squirmed away with her cheeks flushed red. "Er, sorry, I mean... just look."

She pointed to where Rin was standing at the centre of the rooftop. The ginger-haired girl was jogging in place for some reason, her eyes a straight shot at the sky as if she were planning to leap off the rooftop and hitchhike on a passing cloud. When Hanayo's eyes met hers, she turned and gave an enthusiastic wave. Hanayo waved back.

"Rin-chan..." Hanayo said to Eli, while holding her smile toward Rin, "...can be really shy."

"Rin? Shy?" Eli came close to asking if Hanayo was talking about the same Rin, but then an image of Rin's wide, indeterminable eyes flashed in Eli's mind, cutting her words off with a light gasp.

"One time," Hanayo continued, "We had a field trip to Kyoto, but our teacher was sick, so a substitute teacher came with us instead. Rin-chan was practically bouncing off the walls for most of the trip — but whenever we had attendance or met up all as a class, she got all weird and quiet. When I asked her about it, she said she was just trying to behave, but I knew that wasn't true."

Rin acting mannerly for an extended period of time? The thought of it was like a dissonant violin note in Eli's mind. "Even I can tell something was up there. Did you ever find out why she was acting that way?"

"I-I did, but, um... Don't tell Rin-chan I said this, but on the last night of the trip, I pretended to be asleep, and I overheard her talking with the substitute teacher. Apparently, she noticed that Rin-chan was acting strangely, too, and wanted to know why."

"And what did Rin say?"

Hanayo took another glance over her shoulder at Rin — who was now stretching her legs one-by-one — before continuing: "It took a while, but she eventually admitted that she just didn't feel comfortable around the substitute teacher. So she thought she'd get around it by trying not to get her attention, by interacting with her as little as possible — but now she felt guilty because she hurt the substitute's feelings. She..."

Hanayo took a moment to catch her breath. "She cried after that."

Eli had no words to say to this window-view into Rin's other side. Or should she say, _one of_ Rin's other sides? Although Hanayo might know her best, Eli got the feeling — while looking over Hanayo's shoulder to see Rin lay down with her eyes fixed on the sky — that no one could know precisely what went on in that girl's mind.

With a sigh, Eli looked back at Hanayo with a smile. "And that's why you want me to be the one to ask her, right? Because she won't talk about it with anyone else?"

"Right on the mark again, Eli-chan! If I were to ask her, she'd just say I was imagining things. She might even be angry at me for a few days! Sometimes Rin-chan can be frustrating, too..."

Eli chuckled a bit. Being best friends sounded like a whole job on its own, and phrasing it like that made the fires light up in Eli — the fires of rising up to the challenge.

"Don't worry," she said, placing her hand on Hanayo's shoulder. "I won't just find out what it is — I'll resolve it, too."

"Really? You mean it!?" Hanayo seized both of Eli's hands and bowed dramatically once again. "Oh, thank you, thank you! Hearing you say that makes me so happy..."

She let go of Eli's hands, but before the older girl could scratch her head and say "It's no problem at all," Hanayo whispered in Eli's ear: "If she won't tell you right away, make her happy first, then try again. Like giving a cat a treat."

The sheer depth of Hanayo's closeness to Rin left Eli dumbstruck once again. She could only watch wordlessly as Hanayo stumbled back inside the building with one final "Thank you!" before closing the door. But even with Hanayo's slow, careful tug on the door, it still gave a loud

_*KER-CHUNK*_

...jolting Eli back to reality as she realized that she was finally alone with one Rin Hoshizora.

Walking across the rooftop, Eli found that Rin was still laying on her back with her hands behind her head. When Eli's shadow encroached upon her, she blinked and looked up at Eli as if she were a dark cloud that had invaded an otherwise sunny day. "You two sure took your time, huh?"

Eli froze. Her first instinct was to find some way to deny the accusation — _no way would the responsible Eli-chika ever lose track of time like that!_ — but she couldn't argue against the fact that Rin was practically ready to nap from boredom. With a sigh, she said: "Sorry about making you wait like that. I—"

" _Ohhh nooo_ , sorry's not gonna cut it, little missy!" Rin leapt to her feet and pressed her hands to her hips. "As punishment for your tardiness, Rin commands you to run twenty laps around this rooftop!"

"But—"

"No buts! The only butt I want to see is yours making tracks out there!"

Eli wanted to point out that that last part didn't make any sense, but before she could say anything, Rin brought her fingers to her lips and whistled as loudly as her small frame was able. "NOW GET MOVING, NYA!"

In all the excitement, Eli found her arms and legs already set in motion as she ran along the fenced side of the rooftop. Rin remained at the center, waving and shouting words of encouragement like some lone baseball fan cheering on her favourite player to round all the bases after a home run. Eli's adrenaline wore off after the first two laps, and by then she was starting to feel the familiar cool-water-running-through-your-body sensation of self-consciousness. Here she was, the former student council president, being egged on by her kouhai to run laps as if they were trying re-enact some military training scene from a movie. A chill ran down Eli's spine every time she ran passed the rooftop door; if someone were to open it right now and see what they were doing, she would surely die of embarrassment.

But on the seventh lap, Rin stopped her cheering and said something else: "Wow, you're really good at this, Eli-chan!"

Between breaths, Eli said, "This is... nothing... not even close to... the routes I used to do... back in Russia..."

"Nya!? You ran like this even back there? But wasn't it really cold and snowy?"

"Well... not all the time... You see..."

 _Wait_ . Between Rin's loud cheering from earlier, her own exertion, and now this discussion about running in Russia, Eli had nearly forgotten her reason for being alone with Rin on the rooftop in the first place. It was like a coin laying right next to a hole in her purse — _this_ close to slipping through the cracks, and if she fumbled about the wrong way, it might be gone for good. In her distress, her eyes found their way back to Rin's face, and then—

_Rin-chan... can be really shy sometimes._

Then it all came flooding back to Eli: her oath to Hanayo, the younger girl's anecdote about the school field trip, and what Rin had confessed to that substitute teacher. Trying to make conflict disappear through negligence... Was Rin trying to employ that same tactic on Eli now?

"Eh? Something wrong?"

"Oh..." Eli hadn't even noticed that she had stopped mid-step. "Sorry, it's just..." She bit her lip, closed her eyes — and then resolved to finally say it. "There's something I've been meaning to ask you."

Turning on her heel, Eli walked toward the center of the rooftop where Rin stood. The moment Eli broke away from the perimeter she'd been running around, Rin jerked a little.

"R-right, haha, of course you do!" Rin's laugh was so choppy that Eli almost mistook it for a hiccup. "That's why... you asked me to stay, after all..."

Rin's voice dropped in time with her gaze, leading Eli to hesitate before stating her question. Now that she could see Rin's discomfort in full view, she asked herself: would it really be right of her to corner a kouhai like this? Rin looked so small and uncharacteristically feeble, especially under Eli's shadow. And yet, there was something driving Eli to continue anyway, an obligation that overrode any of her own conscious desires. Perhaps it was the promise she'd made with Hanayo, but at the same time, Eli felt that there was something deeper driving her to open her mouth and say:

"Rin." After seeing Rin bring her head back up, Eli continued: "Why did you hesitate during practice earlier?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Contrary to Eli's expectations, Rin answered with surprising swiftness and steadiness in her voice. "Hate to say it, but Nico-chan was right. I just didn't have enough practice, so I _kinda_ forgot what to do there, hehe~"

She even stuck out her tongue and rubbed at at the back of her head, putting on a rather convincing display of embarrassment. If the Eli from before today had gotten this explanation, she would have been inclined to believe it one-hundred percent. But after hearing what Hanayo had said, (literally) running through the phases of Rin's obfuscation tactics, and, most importantly, seeing for herself Rin's dire, pleading eyes during the moment that had set everything in motion, Eli couldn't bring herself to settle for such a neat and tidy explanation. She had made a promise to Hanayo, after all, and her own reputation wasn't built off of completing things half-heartedly. But before she could act on this resolve, Rin suddenly pumped her fist into the air.

"Rin promises to do better tomorrow! So, er..." Rin patted her hands on her stomach. "If that's all you wanted to talk about, can I go home now?"

"Wait!" The word came out of Eli's mouth with surprising desperation — as if she were trying to catch the last bus home in the dead of a winter night. Attempting to ease Rin's alarm, she lowered her voice and said, "I mean, hold on a sec—"

_*GRRRRRRR*_

"S-sorry about that." Rin rubbed at her stomach, with a giggle that discounted any sense of shame. "But um, can it wait till tomorrow? My tummy's crying out for dinner, nya!"

Now the sense of foolishness settled in. Eli herself had always gone on about how important nutrition was for μ's' training, and yet here she was, keeping Rin past her dinnertime. Why, then, should Rin have to stay and suffer even longer? The fact that she was now complaining about hunger and fatigue made guilt strike Eli with even more impact. Sure, Eli's reasoning was that she wanted to unearth the truth from a supposedly-dishonest Rin — but Eli had already gotten her chance, and then screwed it up due to her own social ineptitude. The opportunity to complete her task, achieve her goal, fulfill her responsibility had already come and gone, no matter how much she tried to deny it.

"Helloooooo? Earth to Eli-chan?"

"Huh...?"

Eli blinked and found Rin waving her palm in front of her face.

"You okay?" said Rin. "You were making this really scary face, like maybe you forgot to lock the door before leaving home or something."

"I—it's nothing, really..." Eli nearly jumped when Rin brought her face up close, almost too close for comfort, studying Eli's eyes with her own. Taking a page out of Nozomi's book, Eli clapped her hands together. "A-anyway, you're right! Let's go home now."

And with that, she had let her opportunity slip by for good. But Eli's resolve was just as steely as that of a boxer who refused to stay down; even as she followed Rin down the stairs, taking two steps at a time so as not to be left behind, she kept on thinking, concocting some new question or situation that she could bring up before they parted at the school gates. There had to be _something_ she could say, some magical sequence of words that would get Rin to cough up the answer she needed. The only reason Eli hadn't found it yet was because she hadn't put in enough time and effort yet. But as their surroundings transitioned from stairwell to hallway to doorway to courtyard, Eli found her anxiety and self-loathing growing more and more indomitable. _Why haven't you found the magic words yet, you worthless excuse for a leader?_

Soon enough, she could see the familiar black-and-white stripes of the crosswalk, which meant that they were nearing the school gates. Once they passed that threshold and went their separate ways, Eli would truly be hanging up her laurels of dependability. It hurt even more when she looked at Rin, as she suddenly became acutely aware of her sense of responsiblity toward this bounding, bubbly kouhai — as student council president, as μ's' surrogate leader, and just as someone who considered herself to be Rin's friend. Worst of all, she'd be letting down Hanayo, who definitely looked up to her as all of those things.

_Hanayo..._

_"If she won't tell you right away, make her happy first, then try again. Like giving a cat a treat."_

"Hey, Rin."

The younger girl had been going on about what style of ramen she should have for dinner, but now she stopped abruptly, turned on her heel, and gave a quick, "Nya?"

"What route do you take to get home?" The moment the question left her mouth, Eli felt beyond foolish for taking until now to ask such an obvious question. When had she become so scatterbrained?

Rin gave her a blank look for a second, but ultimately seemed to pay it no mind, as she turned around and pointed her finger so vigorously as to poke a hole through the sky. "See that bridge waaaaay over there?"

Off in the distance, below the hill that Otonokizaka rested atop of, Hijiri-bashi Bridge peeked out over the horizon.

"You cross it, then my place is just a five-minute jog away!"

Eli gasped. "Wait, hold on a second..."

"Sure, but uh... why're you laughing?"

"Sorry, it's just..." Eli stopped laughing and wiped a tear from from her eye. "I pass through the exact same bridge on my way home, too."

"Wha— REALLY!?"

"It's the truth." Actually, it was only partly so; passing through Hijiri-bashi Bridge to get to Eli's apartment would require a roundabout route that added a few extra minutes. She _did_ occasionally take that detour once in a blue moon, whenever Nozomi insisted that the two of them go to 'recharge their spiritual power at the nearest river.' It was enough to keep the small fib from becoming a fullblown lie, which would have caused Eli to hesitate. To make her claim sound more convincing, she followed up with: "Weird how we've never bumped into each other on the way to school, huh?"

"Well, what time do you come to school?"

"Let's see, if I don't have to get up earlier to do something... Before eight, usually."

" _EIGHT!?_ " Rin's eyes looked like they were about to leap out of their sockets. "Like, eight o'clock sharp!?"

Eli nodded, unsure of why that answer was so hard to believe. She _was_ still part of student council, after all, even if she wasn't its president any longer. Did stepping down from that position lead people to think that she would immediately start slacking off?

"Oh man, that's _waaay_ too early," Rin continued. "I'm lucky if I'm at the gates by 8:55!"

 _Wh-which means you're practically late every morning..._ Eli twitched. It seemed like the two of them were already off to a rocky start, being opposite ends of a spectrum. But what did that matter? Here was her chance to hang out with someone who could "loosen her up," so to speak (as Nozomi had always teased her for being "more uptight than a shrine maiden's obi"). After taking a deep breath, Eli said: "Well, let's use this opportunity to make up for lost time."

"Nyah...?" said Rin. "Are you sure you're feeling okay, Eli-chan? First you stare off into space, and now it's like you're talking in code!"

Eli had hoped that Rin was on the same wavelength, but after noting their vastly different mindsets just moments ago, she wasn't phased by that response at all. Instead, Eli turned around and, with a smile, she passed through the school gates in two long, confident strides. It was strange; lately, whenever she'd done that, she'd felt an aching in her chest, as if her heart were preparing her for that day in the not-so-distant future when she'd pass through those gates for the very last time. But somehow, with Rin watching her, she strode past that threshold with unwavering resolve and maybe even a hint of pride. Perhaps it was her leadership instincts kicking in, telling her not to show weakness before her underclassman. Or perhaps it was a different feeling — not determination, but... comfort?

_But why?_

She supposed she might just be happy to have some company besides Nozomi on her way home for once, but she got the sense that there was something deeper at work here, a spark lurking within the depths of her budding journey with Rin...

It was this curiosity, perhaps even moreso than her obligation to Hanayo, that drove Eli to spin on her feet, as gracefully as the ballerina she had once hoped to become, and beckon to Rin. "What I meant to say was..."

She reached out her hand, just far enough to cross over the school gates again. At the same time, her ponytail pointed toward the bridge — toward the place that was at once their destination and their place of parting. And that was when Eli kicked off their journey with four simple words:

"Let's walk home together!"


	2. Chapter 2

"Eli-chan, Eli-chan! Lookitthat!"

"S-sure."

Not like Eli had much of a choice; this was the fourth (or maybe fifth?) time that the two of them had wandered into a side shop, and it always began with a tug on Eli's sleeve that quickly became a pull and then a full-on _haul_. She wasn't sure if she liked being dragged around like this, but there was something endearing about the way Rin did it; maybe this was the kind of hijinks Alisa would get into, if she hadn't been so disciplined. Thinking of Rin as a little sister... Something about that was embarrassing, but at the same time, it made Eli feel just a little bit closer to someone who was comparatively a stranger.

Keychains. Knick-knacks. Those tanuki statuettes that sing and dance around if you push a button.

Yet another novelty shop selling useless junk — the exact sort that Eli would pass by every day without a second thought. And yet, as if to drive home just how different the two of them were, Rin was absolutely _enthralled_ by all of the kitschy products on display. Even now, she was watching that animated tanuki with the wide eyes of a child who had just seen something like this for the first time in their life — despite her casual exchange with the shop owner implying that she had been here and probably played with that tanuki many, many times.

"You know," the shopowner said, placing her hand on Rin's shoulder, "They say that listening to a tanuki's voice everyday brings good fortune."

" _REALLY!?_ "

Eli was glad they were too focused on the animatronic to notice her rolling her eyes. At least she didn't have to force a smile this time.

The shopowner continued her prattle: "Yessiree! I dunno what they're teaching you young'uns in school these days, but back in my day, everyone knew that tanukis were the key to a young maiden's wishes."

"A young maiden, huh..." Rin paused, a bit longer than Eli would have expected, but then she exploded back with: "So then, I should come here everyday and listen to him, right!? Maybe then I can finally get more than a C in English!"

Now Eli was _really_ glad they weren't paying her any mind, for they definitely would have questioned the look on her face. Had Rin completely forgotten that a former student council president was standing right next to her as she tactlessly announced her unsavoury grades? Nonetheless, what bothered Eli more was the insinuation that 'good luck' was necessary to obtain a decent grade. What about studying, doing practice problems, or just plain paying attention during class? Many 'successes' have some element of luck to them, Eli was sure, but behind every single one of those was a story of hardship, blood, sweat, and tears.

"Oh no no no no," said the shopkeeper, wagging a crooked finger. "That might sound like a good idea, dearie, but what if the _unthunkable_ happened?"

"The unthunkable?" said Rin.

"You know, like what if I got hit with some dastardly burglars, or a meteor, or even just a customer who's dead-set on collecting all kinds of singing tanuki?" She pointed down at the statuette, which had just finished singing. " _You two may never meet again._ "

"O-oh no!"

"That's—!" Eli tried to cut in — she knew exactly where this pitch was going — but much to her frustration, the shopkeeper ignored her voice entirely and continued peddling:

"If you were to buy him now, don't you think he'd be grateful? Grateful to have a nice, safe place where he'd be able to see a pretty young lady everyday?"

"Well, I'm not sure if I'm, um..."

"We aren't buying it." Eli ripped the toy out of Rin's hands, her movement as deft and as sharp as her words. "Our business here is finished, Ma'am."

With that, she set the tanuki down on a nearby shelf, using just enough force to make a _thud_ without breaking anything, and then used her other hand to grab Rin and jostle the two of them out of the shop.

"What was that for!?" said Rin as Eli continued to drag her down the street.

"It was to protect you," said Eli with her head pointed forward, away from the shop. "You were _this_ close to falling into her trap and wasting your money."

"I-I know that!"

Eli stumbled and nearly fell face-forward. She turned her head to see Rin ground to a halt, and right after that, the younger girl forced her hand out of Eli's grip.

"But you..." Rin stared down at the sidewalk, biting her lip, before looking up at Eli with screaming eyes. "You didn't have to be so mean about it! What's wrong with you!?"

Eli didn't gasp, or step back, or even try to weasel her way out with an assertive excuse. She just held Rin's gaze, allowing the winds of anagnorisis to sweep over her and carry her mind to that far-off space where a million copies of her own voice spoke to her at once:

_You monster._

_Don't you know how to deal with another human being?_

_As long as everyone isn't you, everyone else is an enemy._

_That's right, keep playing the ice queen._

_Don't want anyone to see the awkward and selfish little brat inside..._

Eli sighed — a deep, frustrated sigh that made it seem like she was ready to swallow up the whole world through her nostrils. It was the kind of sigh she always made to signal to some higher power that she was _done_ with this body, done with this history, done with building up this mountainous persona known as 'Eli Ayase', even though she knew she was actually digging a trench deeper and deeper. But inevitably, she'd be reminded that she was trapped as that person for all time until death, as soon as she caught sight of her reflection in a mirror, a screen, or someone else's eyes...

_Rin's eyes._

And just like that, her vision zoomed out from its narcissistic focus in order to get Rin in frame. It happened just in time for Eli to see Rin's face turn from a hissing tomcat to a frightened kitten. The younger girl even took a step back for good measure.

_If she won't tell you, make her happy first, then try again. Like giving a cat a treat._

Eli had to restrain herself from cursing over how she'd just gone and done the exact of opposite of what Hanayo had told her to do. But even more than that: what kind of a senpai intimidates her kouhais like this? In the setting sun, Eli's shadow engulfed Rin's entire figure, sending chills down Eli's spine. It was moments like these, where Eli became hellishly self-aware of this body that was too big, too imposing for someone whose mind clearly hadn't developed enough to match — these were the moments that made Eli wish she could be as small and devoid of terrifying shadows as Rin.

But even so, she stepped forward and ensnared Rin even deeper into her shadow. There was no avoiding it, if she were to follow the chains of responsibility and do the right thing.

"Don't be scared," Eli said as Rin backed away again. "I'm not angry. I'm sorry."

Rin stopped. "Sorry for what?"

Again, Eli was left breathless; _What an odd question to ask_. But she swallowed her confusion and her pride, as Eli knew she had to be the bigger person by following through with her apology. "For... for being too forceful back there. On the shopkeeper, and on you. I don't know what's gotten into me today..."

She rubbed her hand across her face, as if trying to wipe away residue from some terrifying mask, and used that short moment where her hand was on her mouth to smile as friendly as she could. "Let's keep walking, okay?"

"Of course you'd say that right away..." Rin mumbled as she stared at the sidewalk again.

"Sorry, what was that?" Eli said with wide eyes. Unlike the smile, she wasn't forcing her surprise here. _Has she been judging me this whole time?_

"It's nothing," said the younger girl. After a silence that lasted longer than it should have, she looked up and smiled, betraying the dour frown she'd had just a second ago. "Just saying that Eli-chi-chan always sounds like Eli-chi-chan."

There it was again: that nickname Eli had never heard of until today. Was there some in-joke she wasn't getting? Both times she'd heard it, it seemed like there was something deeper beneath the surface that drove Rin to call her that. _But what?_ Leaving the hidden crevice of her mind again, she took a good look at Rin in the moment: smiling bright as she usually did, but there was a hint of slyness and surveillance in the way her eyes studied Eli's own. Upon discovering this side of Rin, Eli smirked.

 _If she wants to make a game out of this_ _— cat-and-mouse — then so be it._

"My, well aren't you an Eli expert," she said with a giggle. "Let's keep walking and find even better shops to check out, alright?"

Instead of responding or even nodding, Rin took a step, then another, and kept on going until she had passed Eli and gone on a few steps ahead of her on the sidewalk. "Well, what're you waiting for, then? C'mon!"

Eli gave her own sly smile. _Challenge accepted._

As Eli joined her, she felt a fiery passion well up through her body. She'd been afraid of squashing the unsuspecting Rin like a bug, but now that they were agents on a level playing field, playing this game of espionage into each other's minds, Eli felt much more in her element, being able to put her inherently competitive spirit to good use. Of course, there was now the anxiety of accidentally overstepping her bounds and hurting Rin in the name of competition, but Eli saw this as part of the challenge: a balancing act on top of a tightrope walk.

With that in mind, all she had to focus on for now was getting the upper-hand somehow. But first, she had to think of what that actually meant. Right now, they were walking silently, side-by-side, on a city sidewalk in an area known for small shops.

_Shops..._

Right: the whole past hour had been Rin dragging Eli into various different shops. Not just dragging her in there, but gauging her reaction as well. Rin was the one on the offensive, while Eli always clambered to come up with some kind of defence. In other words, Rin had the upper-hand in this friendly window shopping venture, and in order to take it from her, Eli had to be the one to drag Rin into some shop.

_But where?_

As if on cue, Eli's eyes caught sight of the title board of the next shop they were about to pass: "Cornerstone Dressers." Despite the meek and unassuming name, the display case held a cabinet of dresses that were far more ornate and well-woven than the shop's location would suggest. Seeing this made the inner fashionista within Eli tingle, so much so that she wasn't even thinking of the implicit competition when she called out: "Hey, Rin, let's check this one out."

"Nya...?" Rin stopped on her heel and craned her neck to look at the shop. Eli watched as her eyes went from moderately wide at seeing the title board, to practically dinner saucers upon seeing the dresses in the display case. "A-are you sure about this?"

"Well... yes." Eli was taken aback; what was this hesitation? "It's just clothes, isn't it? Don't you wanna try them on?"

"B-but..." Rin held Eli's gaze for a while, then flitted her gaze to the display case again. "Don't you think they're too expensive? And like, what if I accidentally end up stretching or tearing one of those dresses? Rin will be bankrupt in under five minutes!"

Eli laughed. "Is that really it? I don't think you have to worry about stretching or tearing — you have a very slim figure, after all."

"Slim?" Rin said the word as if Eli had given her a piece for the wrong puzzle. But then, how else could Eli have described Rin's figure? Petit? It wasn't as if she was anywhere near Honoka or Hanayo, the ones constantly getting hounded by Umi to watch their eating weight. Although, on second thought, Rin probably ate just as much as those two in terms of ramen — but somehow, she managed to retain that cute, small, almost cherubic figure. It made Eli jealous in a way, jealous that Rin didn't have to contend with this feeling of being an overgrown plant.

But now wasn't the time to give into self-consciousness again. While Rin was distracted by looking down at herself, Eli seized the opportunity to finally turn the tables and grab Rin's hand without warning. "Let's go!"

"Nyaaaaaah!"

_BRRRINNGG_

The shopkeeper's bell rung behind them as Eli dashed Rin into Cornerstone Dressers. After the first step, they both stopped in their tracks as a surprisingly strong scent wafted up their noses.

Eli sniffed. "It's lavender."

Rin followed suit by sniffing several times like a curious little kitten. "It... reminds me of my mom..."

"Is that so? Maybe she shops here sometimes."

"Yeah, maybe she does..."

Eli could barely hear Rin's last response because she'd said it so softly, her voice trailing off almost as quickly as the chime of the shopkeeper bell. But before Eli could follow up on this out-of-character moment, an older-sounding voice boomed from her right:

"Oh my, evening customers!" From the counter, there came a light _*plop*_ as a middle-aged woman set a magazine down on the countertop. Despite her age, she wore a good deal of carefully-administered makeup that made the wrinkles and creases on her face look less like unwanted blemishes and more like strategically-placed markers of wisdom and experience. She reminded Eli of her mom, even though the two of them looked nothing alike. At a glance, the woman's outfit didn't seem like anything out of the ordinary for a clerk — a cardigan and blouse combo — but Eli's keen eyes caught sight of some irregularities: a collar on the blouse, and a unique pattern in the cardigan's fabric that Eli had never seen before. _Custom-made?_ This had to be the shop's owner, Eli reasoned.

"Now this here's a rare sight," the shopkeeper continued. "What can I do for you Otonoki girls at this hour?"

"Thanks for the offer," said Eli, "But we're just browsing. Although..." Eli crossed her arms with her brow raised. "How did you know which school we go to?"

"Ohoho... Ohohohohoho!"

The shopkeeper gave a hearty laugh, causing Eli and Rin to look at each other with well-synchronized looks of confusion. Despite the awkward situation, Eli felt comforted knowing that the two of them could at least share this feeling together. She almost smiled at the thought, but then the shopkeeper started up again:

"I suppose it really has been that long, hasn't it? Even though it still feels like just yesterday to me." She wiped at her eyes and looked up to see the two schoolgirls continuing to give blank stares. "You see, way before you two put those uniforms on for the first time, I'd worn them myself."

"Y-you went to Otonoki!?" Rin shrieked. It was loud enough to make Eli's ears ring, but at the same time, it was reassuring hearing her back at full volume.

The shopkeeper nodded. "Not very often I get a blast from the past in here — and at this hour, no less."

"Hold on..." said Eli. "You mean to say that Otonoki's uniforms haven't changed after all this time?"

"Nope. Not a bit. If I could, I'd redesign them to be a little more chic and modern. But I guess I'm not big enough to be contracted by schools just yet!" She gave another hearty chuckle. "And besides, it's nice seeing girls like you as walking time capsules. Makes us old fogeys feel less detached, more connected, you know?"

"'Walking time capsules', huh..." Eli looked down at her uniform and felt a strange mixture of relief and longing. Would these uniforms evoke the same feelings for her, when she got to be the shopkeeper's age?

"Anyhow," said the shopkeeper, "Feel free to look around. If you need anything at all, I'll be right over here." With that, she picked up from where she'd left off on her magazine — which, Eli realized, was the latest edition of _Seventeen_ , a magazine that she herself followed.

"Thank you," Eli said to her before turning to Rin. "Let's get started, shall we?"

Rin said nothing; she seemed to be getting lightheaded, as she just stared at the racks of dresses in front of them with a blank look on her face. Was it the smell? Eli couldn't blame her; although she considered perfume to be an essential part of any outfit, this factory-grade smell filter definitely went way past what was acceptable. At the very least, she and Rin shared this dislike of overwrought scenting, and it made Eli happy to know that both of them were down-to-earth in that regard.

_Speaking of bringing someone back down to Earth..._

"Wanna look around?" Eli gestured toward the rack that was closest to Rin. Rin nodded without saying anything, then walked over, slowly but steadily, and started flipping through hangers. Eli went over to the other side of the store where some purses were on display; she might look into buying a new one, given that she'd already lost some coins to the hole in her current one, and she didn't want to sew it closed because she the hated the look of patches. Much like herself, she preferred a consistent, polished look through-and-through.

All the while she was browsing, she took passing glances in Rin's direction. The poor girl still seemed to be in her trance, as she blindly flitted through circles of hanged dresses like a cat fiddling through a roll of toilet paper. Eli crossed her arms in concern. What if Rin was allergic to something in the store's perfume? Would that not make her responsible for inflicting harm on her own kouhai?

"Rin!" Before Eli knew it, she'd already walked on over to Rin, grabbing her arm. "If you're not feeling well in here, we can—"

"Wait!"

"Huh...?"

It was then that Eli noticed Rin had buried her face in a dress that she was holding. From where Eli was standing, she couldn't quite tell what the dress looked like. Still, she decided to let go of Rin's arm and take a step back to give her some space. As soon as she did, Rin erupted:

"This. Is. _PERFECT!_ "

Before Eli could ask, she had fabric shoved so close to her face she was practically kissing it. She took a step back and brought Rin's treasure — whatever it was — into focus. White as snow, frilly lace, a low-cut top, and the kind of skirt that a younger Eli had always likened to cupcake wrappers.

"Don't you think so, Eli-chi-chan?"

The former student student council president ignored her question. Or rather, it was more accurate to say that she hadn't registered the question in the first place. It had been so long, so, so painfully long since the last time she had gazed upon that kind of dress in person. To have this happen on a day where she'd been calling her past few years of life into question, and with Rin of all people being the one to deliver it to her...

"You've gotta try it on!"

"What?"

"Here!"

Rin took Eli's hand, opened her palm, placed the dress's hanger handle there, then closed Eli's fingers around it. "Well, what're you waiting for?"

"I..."

"Oh, you're hopeless!" With that, Rin took Eli's other hand and started dragging her toward the changing room.

"Wait!" Eli didn't resist, but she did tighten her grip on Rin's hand. "Won't you at least tell me why? Why do you want to see me try this on so badly?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Rin took her phone out of her pocket and, after a few button presses, shoved the screen into Eli's face. "You looked so pretty back then!"

"What are you..." Eli stopped short as she saw what was playing on Rin's screen: a young blonde girl dancing around a stage in a white ballerina outfit. "Where— where did you get that!?"

"Oh... someone."

 _Nozomi..._ Eli would have a great deal of things to say to her tomorrow, but for now, her eyes were on a different prey. She tried to snatch the phone out of Rin's hands, but the younger girl pulled it away and tucked it back into her pocket with a mischievous grin. Taking a deep breath to calm her nerves, Eli smiled. "Fine, I'll admit: I did look pretty cute back then, didn't I? But that was a long time ago. Are you saying I don't look pretty now, Rin?"

"N-nya! I mean, no! It's just..." Rin looked down at the dress that was still in Eli's hand. "I want to see Eli-chan at her prettiest. That's not weird, is it?"

"N-not at all." Eli was conflicted on the answer she'd received. On one hand, she was glad that Rin's ulterior motives were innocent after all. On the other hand, she wasn't sure if she could handle seeing herself and this big, overgrown weed of a body wearing clothes that she'd always associated with the untarnished waters of childhood. If Rin really wanted to see that side of her, then Eli was afraid that that side had come and passed long ago.

But, of course, that nagging voice known as conscience and responsibility — further empowered by the expectant gaze of a nearby kouhai — brought Eli to respond: "If that's all you want, then how could I say no?"

"Yaaaaaay!"

Before her mind had even finished processing Rin's outburst, Eli found herself being smushed together by two small but surprisingly strong arms. "You're the best, Eli-chi-chan!"

Before Eli could wriggle out of the embrace, she felt herself get turned around and then pushed forward, through the curtain that separated the dressing room from the outside world. After taking a deep sigh, she slipped into the dress as quickly as she was able; no use dawdling when your only exit was blocked by a ferocious feline waiting for her treat.

 _Don't look at the mirror, don't look at the mirror,_ Eli told herself as she adjusted the neckline. But her eyes betrayed her: before she knew it, all she could see was a person both so familiar and so alien to her. The impossibly-pure white dress and glistening Goldilocks hair were misplaced artifacts, a child's toys mixed into an adult's briefcase, when compared with the freakishly long limbs, the heaving bust, and the hardened face that had been eroded by the rapids of time. A flicker of her younger self from that video flitted through Eli's mind, urging her to mimick that smile... but when she saw the result in the mirror, all she could think about was her first morning of high school, when she'd decided not to smile on campus because her reflection had unnerved even herself.

"Eli-chaaan! What's taking so long?"

Eli checked the wall clock: it had already been five minutes. Had she really spent that long lost in her own nostalgia and self-pity? It didn't take long for the girl in the mirror to go from smiling to frowning, as Eli derided herself for making Rin wait. Although she wanted to believe that that was her motivation for finally leaving the changing room, in truth it was because she couldn't stand looking at that mirror girl's frown. Somehow, it was even more heartbreaking than the forced smile.

"E-Eli-chan..." Rin's eyes were so wide that Eli could practically see her whole reflection in them. "You're... you're..."

Eli had to force herself not to squeeze her eyes shut. Whatever came next, she was ready to brace for the impact. Whether it was a laugh, a sigh, or even just a straight-up insult, Eli just wanted the figurative judges to hurry up and finish crushing her dreams again. She brought her arm up instinctively, expecting a spotlight to come in and blind her on the spot, even though the only thing above was a standard storefront light.

 _Just say it... Just say it... Just_ _—_

"You're GORGEOUS!"

Eli's mouth hung agape for quite some time, even as Rin pulled out her phone and snapped a picture of her. "Ooh, I bet everyone would love to see this. Especially Nozomi-chan..."

That comment was what finally snapped some life back into Eli, as she nabbed the phone straight out of Rin's hands.

"Hey! Give it back!"

Using one arm to keep Rin at a distance, Eli brought the phone up to her face. Her immediate impression was that Rin was a surprisingly good photographer: she'd shot the photo at an angle that was low and slightly tilted up, making Eli's figure look large and fill the frame. With the light angled on her in that way, all of the wrinkles and creases that should have been created by her frown were gone, leaving her face with a gaunt but pretty expression. There wasn't a single hint of that mishmashed mirror girl from just a few moments ago — no, this was practically a model's photoshoot.

"See?" Rin called, peering over Eli's shoulder. "Toldja you look gorgeous!"

That couldn't be right, Eli was sure of it; even taking into account Rin's photography skills, what she saw on-screen had to have been the result of some filter. And yet, when she looked over her shoulder at Rin and listened to the voice still echoing in her mind, it didn't sound like Rin was lying even a tiny bit. _Then what was that thing I saw in the mirror earlier? Can no one see it but me? Or..._

The more she looked at Rin's eyes, the more she saw her reflection hazed and dissolved and rebuilt into something that looked similar but different. Then the thought broke finally broke through the threshold and came to the forefront of her mind: Rin, Nozomi, μ's, _everyone_ was shaping her into whatever they felt like. And this photo in her hands — it was another lock, another engraving, binding Eli to an image that wasn't actually herself.

"H-hey, what're you doing!?"

Eli ignored her as she brought her finger toward the delete button. But, for some reason, her hand froze just before making contact with the screen. _This photo is a lie... it shouldn't exist... so then why can't I...?_

"Rin." She handed the phone back to its owner. "Please. Delete it for me."

"Eli-chan..."

There was a bout of silence before Rin tapped the screen a few times and then brought her arm down. Upon seeing this, Eli let out a breath she didn't even know she'd been holding. "Is it gone?"

"I shared it."

_"What!?"_

Eli grabbed hold of Rin's arm and twisted it so that the phone was facing her. Sure enough, the photo from before was still there, except now it was framed quite elegantly in a LINE post. Already, comments from the other μ's girls were popping up underneath the photo — _Wow!!!_ _— so pretty <3 — omg you should do ballet again —_instilling Eli with a conflicting mixture of embarrassment and pride that froze her in place.

"E-Eli-chan, you're hurting me..."

Eli took her eyes off of herself and took notice of the painful-looking twist that she'd exacted on Rin's arm. "Sorry!" she said, letting go while feeling shame and guilt wash over her in equal amounts. Still, that did nothing to diffuse her irritated confusion: "But why? Why did you share it?"

"Because! You might've said to delete it, but I knew deep down you wanted everyone to see!" Rin giggled. "Even you can be such a little girl sometimes, Eli-chi-chan!"

Eli cursed under her breath, stomping forward with her face a surefire red. "Th-that's not...!"

"Hold on, don't move!" Rin pointed to Eli's side, where the dress was stretched taut. "If you move like that again, it might rip!"

"I..." Eli sighed. "You're right." _I knew there was no way I'd fit into it properly._

"H-hey, don't look so down! Eli-chan just has to run a little longer during practice, nya?"

Eli snorted. _She says that as if I'm actually looking to buy it._

But wouldn't she know it: a few minutes later, after Eli had re-emerged in her school clothes with the dress in her hand, Rin immediately took hold of her other hand and ran toward the counter, dragging an unsuspecting ex-ballerina with her.

"Rin! What are you doing?"

"What does it look like!? I'm helping you pay faster!"

"What?" Eli stopped in place, breaking herself away from Rin, who nearly fell on her face from the momentum. _What's going on here?_ Rin loved the dress, and the idea of Eli wearing the dress — that much Eli knew. But what was with the random sense of urgency? Given Rin's personality, it wouldn't be farfetched to chalk this up to her usual hyperactive tendencies, but there was something about the immediacy of her action, the way she did it without even taking in Eli's reaction (which, Eli assumed, was the main reason Rin enacted these zany antics on unsuspecting people) that made Eli wonder:

_Had Rin been planning this ever since she found the dress?_

Eli thought all this as Rin struggled to regain her balance. "Wh-what's wrong, Eli-chi-chan?"

There was a pause as Eli took in Rin's face: concerned, as expected, but was that a crease of disappointment she saw in Rin's eyebrows? "Sorry about that, it's just... I'm not sure if I want to buy this just yet."

"But how!? How can you say that when it looks so perfect on you?"

"That's the thing. I..." Eli gasped and brought her hand up to her mouth. What she'd just said had driven her into a corner; she really didn't feel like discussing her personal hangups with Rin, in a streetside shop no less.

"You what?" Rin said, stepping closer to her.

 _Rats, no escape now..._ Fleeing Rin's gaze, Eli looked around the store in order to find something, _anything_ she could work up as an excuse. Her eyes first went to the shopkeeper, who had the raised-brow look of "what's wrong with you, your friend is right" written all over her face. Seeing as that avenue of help was closed off, she turned her head to scan through the display racks and tables of clothes. But even if she found that _something_ , what then? What would she even say? The thought made her legs tremble — until she happened to flit her eyes back and forth between Rin's face and...

"That dress over there."

"Nya?"

Eli pointed to one of the display racks up front. Draped on its hanger, like a child hanging onto a swing's ropes precariously, was a light pink dress. It had caught Eli's eye because of the way it incorporated long sleeves and a sailor's collar into a handkerchief hem. It seemed to recall elements of an elementary school uniform, and to Eli that made the dress look like a captivating threshold — a figure that bordered between childhood and adulthood, but without the two sides clashing, forming a harmony of the ages.

"Don't you think that'd look perfect on you?" Surprisingly, it sounded less awkward leaving Eli's mouth than it had in her mind. However, part of that could be attributed to Rin's immediate reaction:

"What? _Rin?_ Wearing _that_ dress!?"

Eli couldn't help but smile. Rin had pulled a nasty reversal just moments ago, putting Eli on the ropes even though Eli had been the one to suggest this shop. But now the tables were turning, and Eli was more than eager to tip the balance even further: "Definitely! You know I've got an eye for these things, don't you? Here, let me help you out..."

She hadn't even taken two steps toward the dress before Rin started calling out, "Hold on! I didn't say I wanted any help, nya!" But it was too late: within moments, Eli had the pink dress's hanger in hand as she held it out for Rin to take. "Well?" said Eli, flashing a smile that was halfway devious and halfway reassuring.

"This..." Rin stared at the dress for a while, as if she and it were the only things that existed in that moment. Eli almost felt ashamed watching her, as if she were intruding on something personal. Then, without warning, Rin exploded: "That's so unfair, Eli-chan! You kept saying you didn't want that dress, but _I_ can't try on _that_ dress! It's impossible!"

"Impossible? What makes you say that?" After quickly peering at the tag, Eli said, "It's a small, so it should fit you just fine."

"That's not...!" Rin's voice cut out abruptly as she locked eyes with Eli. "I mean..."

"C'mon," said Eli, putting the dress into Rin's hand. "Only fair for you to do this, too, don't you think? I promise it'll look great on you!"

The moment Eli finished saying that last comment, Rin sprung forward with her mouth open, as if she were about to yell something out. But, much to Eli's surprise after instinctively flinching, Rin stopped herself and drooped her body down in exaggerated defeat. "If Eli-chan says so..."

A few minutes later, Eli was the one impatiently waiting to see the results step out of the changing room. Was this payback for how she had waffled in there earlier? "Rin," she said, knocking on the stall door, "You can't fool me. That dress shouldn't be as hard to put on as mine."

"Well, it's hard for Rin, okay!?"

"O-okay..." The curtness of that reply had caught Eli off-guard. Come to think of it, Rin had been irritable ever since Eli had pointed out that dress. Again, Eli wondered if this was just a mild temper tantrum from how she'd turned the tables on Rin in their little 'game', but if that were the case, why would she prolong her suffering in this shop? The sooner Rin stepped out of the stall, the sooner they would be done here.

"Hmmm..." Eli crossed her arms, remembering all of the things Hanayo had told her back on the rooftop. The gist of it was that Rin was very fickle, and ending up on her bad side was something you didn't want to do if you intended to have any sort of meaningful interaction with her in the near-future. In this situation, with tense silence and a literal wall between the two, had Eli already failed in that regard? Had her poor kouhai already labelled her an enemy, even though her intentions were the exact opposite? She thought back to what Rin had said after they left the knickknack shop, the way her eyes and voice had cut through Eli like a throwing knife aimed straight at Eli's weak inner core...

"Excuse me."

 _"Eeeeeeeek!"_ Eli jumped as she felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned her head to see the shopkeeper.

"S-sorry, didn't mean to startle you, dear."

"Oh no, it's on me! I'm just easily startled."

The lady laughed a deep, motherly laugh. "Seems not all of you is more mature than your friend, huh?"

Eli blushed before asking: "What was it you needed, miss?"

"Ah, right. It's getting late, and I'm about to close shop. Would you mind telling your friend to hurry it up in there? Tell her I'd love to see how it looks on her as well."

Eli knocked on the stall door right away. "Hear that, Rin? There's nothing to be afraid of!"

A deep sigh came from inside. "...Fine, I'll come out. But... can you tell the store lady not to look?"

"But—"

"I just remembered," said the shopkeeper, "There're some boxes I need to unpack before we close shop." She walked back behind the counter and disappeared through a doorway.

Eli watched that empty doorway for some seconds. She'd intended to argue with Rin, saying that the shopkeeper wanted to see her, too, but according to the older woman and her adult intuition, thrusting that onto Rin would've been the wrong thing to do. Feeling the waves of embarrassed immaturity wash over her, Eli couldn't bring herself to say anything back to Rin until:

"Is she gone?"

Eli turned to find Rin's head peeking out of the stall. "Y-yes, you can come out now."

"Um, well, since she doesn't have to see after all... can I just put this dress back?"

"What do you mean? I still want to see you wearing it, you know!"

"But Eli- _chaaaaaaan_..."

"There's nothing..." A loud _creak_ sounded as Eli threw the stall door open, "...to be afraid of!"

"Nyaaaaaa!"

Sure enough, Rin had complied and put the dress on completely, but Eli couldn't get a good look at it due to the way Rin crossed her arms over her body. "Rin, please, just relax."

"Nuh-uh."

"Why?"

"Because, because, _because_! You can tell just from looking that I... that I look so dumb wearing this."

Eli gasped; how could Rin ever say something like that? If it was the gaudiness of the dress that was bothering her, well, Eli was sure that every single idol outfit they'd worn for μ's was at least twice as outlandish and flashy. Did that mean she was only wearing them out of a sense of politeness to Kotori and her fashion sensibilities?

At that thought, Eli felt a current of annoyance, but then she relaxed upon realizing that, in a way, this made Rin not all too different from herself, the way the two of them were wrested through their daily decisions from obligations to others. In fact, with Rin down-headed and distraught in front of the stall, did she not remind Eli of herself just a few moments ago? Connecting to that shared sense of uncomfortableness and self-consciousness, Eli said softly, in a way that recalled how her Babushka used to speak to her in the changing room:

"That's not true at all. Why don't you take your arms away from the dress, so I can tell you all the ways it looks good on you?"

Rin held her gaze for a while, slackjawed, before doing as she was told. She pouted, as if to say, "If you insist...", which stung Eli as she wondered whether Rin had complied not out of reassurance, but only out of a sense of duty toward her senpai.

But again, Eli caught herself from falling into frustration. If Rin was intent on feeling like she was in the presence of a senpai, then Eli might as well act like the best senpai she could. She held that thought as she took in Rin's figure, finally unobscured. Seeing the whole thing was enough to make her want to gasp but, staying true to her promise, Eli zeroed in on parts of it one-by-one.

"Let's see..." She bent down so that her eyes were level with Rin's legs. "The hem comes down just below your knees, which emphasizes your strong but smooth calves."

"'Strong', huh?"

Propping her legs up just enough to direct her gaze to Rin's torso, Eli continued: "The bodice and pelpum have a flowing movement to them, which looks perfect on your slender figure."

"'Slender'..."

Then Eli stood up all the way and looked down at Rin's neckline. "And last, there's the cute little collar," she said, bringing her eyes up to meet Rin's with a smile, "Housing an equally cute face."

"C-'cute'..." Rin opened the stall door and peered into the mirror. She moved her head about, twisting and turning her body to take in her full figure. Eli noticed her eyes darting back and forth between the hem, the torso, and the collar as a blush formed on her cheeks.

"See?" said Eli, stepping up behind her in the mirror. "Told you I have a good eye for these things. But right now, let's hurry and get you back in your uniform so the lady can close shop."

"O-okay..." said Rin, still inspecting herself in the mirror. She remained fixated like that even as Eli slowly brought the door closed. It closed with a satisfying _ker-chunk_ , matching the satisfaction Eli felt for having helped her kouhai see herself in a new light. _Like giving a cat a treat, huh..._

A minute later, the stall door creaked open to reveal Rin back in her uniform with the dress in her hand. The dress hung on its hanger so neatly that no one could've guessed that it had been tried on just moments before.

"Oh, perfect timing!" said the shopkeeper, emerging from the back room. From the counter, she looked at Rin. "So did you find that your friend was right about you and that dress, dearie?"

"Um..." Rin held her mouth open, the blush from earlier returning to her cheeks.

Eli giggled. "You couldn't have found a better fit for that dress if you tried."

"Eli- _chaaaan_! Don't say stuff like that without my permission!"

"Sorry, sorry, I just wanted to tell the truth, you know?" She winked, hoping to offset Rin's pout. Her charms had zero effect on the grumpy young kitten, but this just made Eli giggle some more as she turned back to the shopkeeper. "You said you had to close up shop, right? We'll finish up here and be on our way, then."

With that, she walked up to the counter, holding the white ballerina dress. She paused after taking the final step, looking at the dress hanging by her side, then at the countertop that would transform the dress from 'a passing memory' to 'a part of her own possessions.' As if sensing her uneasiness, the shopkeeper held out her hand with a smile. Eli took this moment to take in her face up close; despite the light wrinkles and years of weariness etched into her skin, the way she smiled highlighted laugh lines on her cheeks, permanent marks of happiness, that reminded her of a certain someone else's bright-as-the-sun grin.

So Eli handed the dress over once and for all.

Before the rest of the transaction could continue, however, Eli noticed Rin moving out of the corner of her eye. She went past the two of them at the counter — and was headed straight for the empty display rack from whence the pink dress had come from.

"Rin," said Eli. "What are you...?"

"What does it look like? I'm putting this back..." There was a soft _clang_ as the metal of the hanger Rin was holding met the metal of the display rack. "...right where it belongs."

"But I thought—"

"That Rin was going to buy it?" Rin stepped away from the rack, toward Eli who was dumbstruck at her sudden assertiveness. "All of those things you said to me earlier were nice, Eli-chan. Really, super-duper nice. But you didn't have to force yourself to say those things."

"Force myself? Everything I said was my honest thoughts."

"Really, nya? Then why'd it take you so long to come up with each one? Sure looked like you were cobbling together words to me!"

"That's..." Eli's eyes dropped to the ground as she tried to recall what exactly had happened back when she was complimenting Rin in the changing room. Sure, she might have taken a second or two to inspect each part of the dress, but the way Rin was reacting made it seem like there had been a big, obvious pause between each thing she'd said back in the dressing room. Which wasn't the case at all from what she remembered — but then, why would Rin lie about that? Maybe there _was_ a forgotten gap during the times Eli gazed at Rin's outfitted figure, something about what she'd seen that had made time itself feel immaterial. She wanted to express this to Rin right now, express that her pauses had been the result of seeing _so much_ in her kouhai, rather than nothing, but without knowing what that 'so much' actually was — without being able to ensure that her intentions wouldn't be misunderstood — Eli couldn't work up the courage to form words.

"See!" Rin pointed at her. "There it is again! You can't come up with an excuse because you don't have one."

" _Rin_..." Eli stomped forward before she'd even known what she was doing. A familiar pinprick of burning energy surged through her body, centering at her throat, amassing in her vocal chords. It was familiar because she'd gone through this same sensation many times with Alisa, whenever the two of them had their sisterly squabbles. Eli knew that nothing good would come about from adding fuel to the fire, as those squabbles usually ended with Alisa in tears while Eli stood victorious on a podium of guilt. Arguments like this were always the byproduct of being unable to express something properly to each other, and instead of working it through by speaking and listening, it was so much easier to just shout why one was right and the other was wrong, growing the divide each time. "A competition to build a higher wall," is what Eli had dubbed it.

But no matter how many times she said this to herself with Alisa, and now with Rin, Eli still found herself slipping into that familiar anger, that familiar need to shout "you're wrong!" in so many different ways, without ever having the strength to explain _why_. Even as Rin's face turned from one of annoyance to one of fear, Eli still opened her mouth...

...Only to be cut off by a loud sigh from behind. "If she doesn't want the dress, you can't force her," said the shopkeeper. "Sorry to rush you two, but I really need to close up now, so could you please finish buying this other dress?"

Eli sighed too, dropping her shoulders back down. "Right. Sorry about that." How embarrassing was it that she needed an older woman to dissuade her from yelling like a bratty little girl? All the same, she couldn't deny that without that intervention, there was a very good chance she would've ended up making a fool of herself then and there.

Trying her best to diffuse, she turned around to look back at the dress that the shopkeeper was holding up from the countertop. The white ballerina dress — the one Eli had been so determined to not even wear. _At least, not until I'd gotten a little push in the right direction..._

She turned back around, away from the shopkeeper. "Sorry again, but I just want to quickly add something to my order."

"Nya...?"

Eli ignored Rin while walking past her — and then took the pink dress off of the display rack again.

"E-Eli-chan!" Rin called as Eli walked back to the counter. "Wait! I already told you I don't want it!"

"I know," said Eli as she placed the pink dress beside the ballerina outfit on the countertop. "But _I_ want to get it for you."

Eli watched as Rin's face ran the whole gamut of emotions: anger to shock to disbelief to annoyance. Eli stood by the counter in such a way that, if Rin wanted, she could march over there, take the dress, and put it right back 'where it belonged.' But the only thing that approached the countertop was Rin's voice as she said: "Fine."

With that, Eli turned back to the shopkeeper — slowly, as she was still shaken by Rin's utter lack of resistance. She felt the urge to turn away again, to say something reassuring to Rin to make sure that her intentions wouldn't be misunderstood — but the shopkeeper's eyes caught her and trapped her, bringing Eli to commit to the transaction that she had started and see it through to the end.

As the shopkeeper began packing the dresses into dress bags, starting with the one intended for Rin, Eli heard a succession of _thuds_ followed by a _slam_ and the shopkeeper's bell rattling frantically. Rin had stomped out of the shop, with her back to the front window. Seeing this, with Rin's shadow now being the one to envelop her, Eli looked down at the dresses being packed and lamented over whether 'giving a push in the right direction' had been worth it. Earlier, when she'd seen Rin inspecting herself and the dress in the mirror, she was sure the younger girl had secretly wanted it — the same way Rin had caught Eli's hidden desire to share the photo — but once again, Eli's misreading of others had led her down the path of failure.

"Chin up, dear," said the shopkeeper. As she finished zipping up the dress bags, she said something to Eli in that reassurring, all-knowing elder type of voice that Eli had always associated with her Babushka. "You have to stand proud on your decision."

"But what if I made her angry? What if she hates me now?" Eli spurted her deepest, most personal concerns before she'd even realized it, prompting her to bring her hands up to her mouth.

The shopkeeper reached out, took hold of Eli's hands, and brought them back down by Eli's hips. "You'll just have to live with it. Live, and trust that in time, she'll come to understand that you did the right thing. After all..."

She gazed down at Eli's neckerchief — green, for soon-to-graduate third-years — and said: "That's what it means to be an adult."

Eli left with both of the dress bags grasped tightly in hand.


	3. Chapter 3

The sun was nearly finished setting by the time Eli and Rin crossed the last intersection before Hijiri-bashi Bridge. The walk up to this point had been a stark contrast to their walk from earlier; gone was the 'friendly competition' of dragging each other into different shops, as Rin kept her eyes glued to the road ahead while Eli lagged behind, feeling like the dress jackets in her hand had thrown her off-balance. But most strikingly of all, at least to Eli, was the complete and utter silence that had befallen the two of them.

It hadn't been that way the entire time; at one point, the two of them had stumbled upon a small ice cream shop and wandered inside. This had happened without a word between the two, as Eli had walked in first, then Rin followed suit of her own volition. Upon seeing Rin behind her, Eli's entire body had tensed up, for she had walked inside absent-mindedly seeking her own personal comfort food: sweets. With Rin there watching her, it had made her feel vulnerable, and though she hated to admit it, she had wished for Rin to be gone so she could drown in her frustrations in private. But then she realized that no matter what Rin was feeling, she had still stayed by Eli's side, and the sense of shame this brought had been enough to freeze Eli's forward momentum in place as the two of them walked further into the shop.

While standing in line, Eli had realized that she would have a hard time getting her payment out with both of the dress jackets in hand. She could have asked Rin to hold the dress jackets for her, but she'd quickly discarded that idea upon remembering that one of those dresses had gotten them into this situation in the first place. So instead, she had asked Rin to hand her some bills from her purse. This mundane act had been more anxiety-inducing than it should have been, as it was the first time Eli had spoken to Rin since leaving Cornerstone Dressers.

 _She's not going to get angry at me, is she?_ While waiting for Rin's response, Eli had imagined the younger girl's voice echoing through her mind, saying it was Eli's fault for buying those useless dresses in the first place. Or perhaps, as Eli's anxiety had insinuated, there would be no voice at all, as Rin just flat-out ignored her.

But much to Eli's surprise, Rin had complied immediately and without hesitation. She'd done so in silence, however, even as she handed the money to Eli. But as Rin was rummaging through her purse, Eli had noticed the other girl taking quick, thieving glances at the dress jackets in Eli's other arm. They had been quick enough to make it impossible for Eli to discern any sort of emotion in those glances, but the way Rin's eyes had darted back and forth again and again suggested a sense of fear, as if the one dress jacket intended for her was some kind of imminent threat that she had been trying to keep at bay.

As soon as they'd gotten their ice cream and left the shop, it became apparent that Eli's meager attempt at communication had been for naught. It was an odd sight: two friends walking side-by-side, eating ice cream together, but without the giddy chitter-chatter that usually accompanied such picturesque socializing. The chilling contrast had only served to make Eli hyper-aware of just how far she'd fallen.

_"If she won't tell you what's on her mind, make her happy first, then try again. Like giving a cat a treat."_

It was enough to make Eli want to laugh and throw her arms up in defeat. Here she was, with the sun quite literally setting on her mission, and yet she'd only managed to push Rin even farther away from herself. Perhaps that was why she'd made such an effective student council president: in that role, the only things she'd had an obligation to were inanimate entities like budgets and event plans and speech scripts. If anyone got in the way of these things, she was free to remove them from her sight. And while there was some satisfaction in doing all these 'grown-up' things herself, she knew deep in her heart that she would never be able to manage people beyond their use as resources. The moment she tried, she'd just end up melting her icy persona and make a mess of things — much like the melted ice cream had done to her hand while she'd been drowning herself in thought.

And now, even with the sweet taste of chocolate still fresh in her mouth, nothing could overcome the bitterness she felt as she and Rin continued down the street like a pair of strangers. Rin marched on a few strides ahead, her figure slowly swallowed up by Hijiri-bashi Bridge as it rolled in from over the horizon. The moment Eli realized how close they were to the bridge, her entire body tensed up as the voices in her head cut in once again:

 _You were this close, but you_ had _to blow it._

_Because of you, Rin's going to suffer even more._

_What's Hanayo going to think?_

_Are you even fit to call yourself a leader?_

_"STOP!"_ is what Eli wanted to yell until her throat went hoarse. Not just toward her internal critics, but to Rin, herself, and perhaps even time itself. Each step they took — each divider line on the sidewalk that came and went — was like the violent _ricket_ of a train passing over broken rails, leading to the edge of a cliff. They _would_ end up reaching the bridge, and they _would_ end up saying their goodbyes, and then Rin would part with her inner turmoil still tucked deep in her heart. All of it was inevitable, even as Eli haphazardly opened and closed her mouth with the expectation that she _would_ find something to say in time, something that could resolve all of this tension in one grand sweep. The fact that Eli could think of no such thing, knowing that any words she spoke could only make things worse, frustrated her to no end as she continued drawing empty breaths with tears in her eyes.

But then the world darkened — the two of them were passing through the shade from a row of trees — and the shock made Eli conscious of what she'd just been doing. The kind of desperation she'd shown was more befitting of a deadbeat student looking to salvage their assignment at the last minute; the thought that this now applied to her made her tighten her grip on the dress jackets until her knuckles hurt.

_Dresses... Dresses..._

A community garbage bin was coming up ahead. Without any conscious thought on her part, Eli veered toward it, envisioning herself dropping both of the dress bags down there. To rid herself of the very things that had gotten her into this mess, the ones that now mocked her and served as evidence of her own mistakes, would be like a dream come true... But then the sound of footsteps pounded into her mind, and when Eli looked up to see the growing distance between her and Rin, she cursed herself and walked back briskly to where she had been on the sidewalk.

She was thankful that Rin hadn't seen any of that, but at the same time she dreaded how she was behaving like the more childish of the two. Her mind flashed back to the shopkeeper and the exasperated sigh she'd given when Eli was about to blow her fuse back at Cornerstone Dressers.

 _Maybe I should just give up_ , Eli thought as she loosened her grip on the dress jackets. The lines on the sidewalk weren't going to stop anytime soon, and neither was that invisible wall going to be torn down in such a miniscule timeframe. Right now, the most responsible thing Eli could do was admit that she was wrong and had overstepped her bounds. The thought of just letting things proceed as they were already going to happen filled Eli with a sense of relief and security; she was reminded of those evening drives in her Dad's car where she could lay down in the back seat and let some higher force take her to wherever she needed to be, without needing any effort on her part. Up ahead, she saw that Rin had started walking at a more relaxed pace as well, which only made Eli more assured in her decision.

 _We're almost there, Elichika... Just let it happen._ But even as she said this to herself, she couldn't bring herself to relax completely. There was still a shakiness in her legs, an unseen weight on her toes that still made her want to stop. There wasn't any hint of that frustration from earlier, but rather... _Disappointment?_ The more she dwelled on it, the more upset she became over the thought of never finding out what had troubled Rin back on the rooftop. She'd felt something similar earlier — an intuition that there was a more personal reason for her wanting to find out why that specific part of the dance had paralyzed her kouhai. But like before, she still felt like she was nowhere close to an answer. _What could it be...?_

Her gaze dropped to the ground, where she found that the lines on the sidewalk _had_ stopped after all. She had come to a complete standstill without even noticing it. Nervously, she glanced up ahead, half-expecting to see Rin glaring at her — _"Could you quit wasting my time?"_ — but instead, Eli was surprised to see that Rin had stopped as well.

 _Has she reached her limit? Is she about to give me an ultimatum?_ With a deep breath, Eli started walking up to her, but then—

"...Nya!"

The sudden outburst made Eli stop in her tracks again. "S-sorry, what was that?"

Rin said nothing in response. This caused Eli to lurch forward involuntarily, her anxiety now broiled over into rage over being outright ignored, but she stopped upon realizing that the voice she'd heard hadn't sounded like Rin's. In fact, it didn't sound like any human being she knew. On top of that, Rin wasn't even looking at her, instead having her body turned off to the side with her head pointed up to look at something well above ground. _Wait, could it be...?_

Eli ran up to where Rin was standing and followed her gaze up one of the trees. There in the higher branches, Eli spotted the shaking, vulnerable figure of a young kitten. It was crouched down, backed up against the tree trunk, peering over its paws with big, misty eyes. The moment its gaze met Eli's, it let out another "Nya!"

Eli stood transfixed. This situation — it reminded her of the end of today's practice, and that similarly transfixing gaze from Rin. And much like that moment, Eli did nothing — just watched in awe as someone called for help right in front of her. _But why? What is it that's making me stop instead of act?_

_*THUD*_

Her thoughts were interrupted as Rin dropped her school bag on the sidewalk. Eli watched, speechless, as Rin ran up and threw herself at the base of the tree. She clawed at the trunk desperately, trying to find a crack or crevice to serve as a lifting point, but no matter where her hands landed, she was no closer to the kitten than when she'd started. However, Eli saw the kitten relax a little, seemingly comforted by knowing that there was someone who wanted to help it.

 _I want to help, too._ But how? She supposed that she could call emergency services on her cell phone, but that would take time and the branch the kitten stood on was swaying more and more. As such, her only option was to help out Rin then and there. She reached her hand out toward the younger girl's back — but stopped short. The two of them still hadn't spoken a word to each other, and Rin had thrown herself into this situation without even acknowledging Eli's presence. Who could blame her, when the last time Eli had tried to 'help' had just resulted in Rin feeling uncomfortable and lied to? The way her head stayed pointedly forward, so that none of her face showed from the back, told Eli everything she needed to know: _Leave me alone._ However, just as Eli was preparing to step back, something bizarre happened:

Rin stopped.

After sliding down the base of the tree for the umpteenth time, the younger girl suddenly lost all of her vigour and laid motionless on her knees. _Has she given up?_ But Rin didn't back away; instead, Eli saw the slightest hint of Rin turning her head around, before snapping it back to face forward. Then, as if nothing had happened, Rin went right back to trying and failing to scale the tree. Perhaps it was just momentary fatigue, Eli reasoned, but her sudden stop had seemed almost expectant, like she was waiting for something — or someone — to come to her, but couldn't bring herself to do it.

_She's... afraid?_

The moment that word echoed through Eli's mind, she gasped as everything fell into place. The reason Eli hadn't reached out to Rin at all since Cornerstone Dressers, the reason Eli hadn't done anything to help her back when she'd frozen up on the rooftop — and now, the reason Rin couldn't bring herself to ask Eli for help — they were all one and the same:

The fear of being misunderstood.

All this time, Eli had been afraid of doing or saying something out of line, something that would drive her even further apart from this girl whose thoughts and feelings were an enigma to her, even though, in reality, Rin was going through the exact same motions. It was like they were dancing some cruel dance — the reverse of the one they had both messed up on the rooftop, with the two of them moving away from each other in lockstep.

And Eli knew, better than anyone, that the only way to get everyone out of a bad rhythm was for one person to consciously break away from it. She had to take it upon herself to break this cycle of tension and estrangement, but her mind kept making up excuses to stay her hand. _You're already too late. She asked for help and you ignored her. Just accept that you failed and stop trying to_ _—_

"Nya!"

The cat's mewling rung out from above, followed by the _snip_ of a smaller piece of the branch breaking off and tumbling to the ground. Hearing this, and seeing that broken twig land right beside her, made Eli stand up at attention with the only thought in her mind being: _I have to do something quick!_

The very next thing she did, however, was smack her palm against her face because she'd finally realized what she'd been doing wrong this whole time. _This_ feeling was what she needed to focus on: the desire to reach out and help someone else, no matter what Rin or anyone else thought. Of course, the last time she'd done so had ended in a fiasco — and she recalled this while tightening her grip on the dress jackets in her hand — but like the shopkeeper had said, Eli would have to stand proud on her decision and believe in Rin to understand.

_Faith,_ Eli said to herself with a smile. _That's the responsibility I was running away from all this time._

Quickly, Eli placed the two dress jackets and her bag on a nearby bench, then ran back and stepped up onto a tree root beside Rin. The setup was easy, but an air of awkwardness settled again as she tried working up the courage to break hers and Rin's indefinite silence. But eventually, she — like any trained ballerina in the middle of a _grand jet_ _é_ — focused not on how she might falter, but on how she would stick the landing.

"Rin," she said, tapping on the smaller girl's back, "Get on my shoulders."

Contrary to Eli's expectations, Rin didn't gawk or even hesitate. There was just a smile, an affirmative nod, and in the next moment there stood a singular ladder of support.

Once the high of heroism had passed, it dawned on Eli that this rescue operation wasn't as smooth as she'd envisioned; Rin was heavier than she expected, and her own legs weren't as strong as she'd thought, so she had to hunch down a bit in a less-than-flattering pose while grunting every few seconds. To top it off, the kitten's branch was directly above them, so Eli had to lean back a little and shift her balance according to Rin's vague orders of "Just a little more!" or "Too much, too much!" This seemed to go on for an eternity, but right when Eli thought her knees were about to give out,

"I got him! I got him!" Rin cried, shaking atop Eli's shoulders.

Eli would've celebrated as well, but for some reason she was awash with an odd descending feeling, like she was feeling sleepy, or like she was falling through the sky.

_Sky... sky..._

_Wait, why is the sky coming into view!?_

"R-Rin! We're going to tip over!"

"So we are...!" Rin's voice cut off as she took a sudden breath. "Just let it happen!"

"What!?" Eli nearly tipped all the way back just from hearing those words. _Did Rin_ want _to die...!?_

"If you try to rebalance," said Rin, "We might fall forward instead, and then the kitty will be... He'll be... Well, you know!"

A spark flashed through Eli's mind. Rin was right; the whole point of this operation was to save the kitten — _without_ turning it into a pancake in the process. But still, there was some unknown force that prevented Eli from letting go, a silent clockwork in her brain that told her to keep trying, to regain control.

"Eli-chan." Rin's voice came down from above, cool and crystalline clear, like a snowflake. "Trust me. Just let yourself go."

Something about her words... they made Eli feel released, like a key turning a giant padlock in her mind. And so Eli did it: she let go — of her balance, of her control, of the impeccable posture that had been hammered into her being for god-knows-how-many years — and submitted her gaze to the encroaching sky. She was weightless. But the last thing she thought of, before the fall, was Rin on her shoulders. Not weighing her down, but anchoring her.


	4. Chapter 4

"C-c-c- _COLD_!"

"Hold still! You'll get used to it in a second. Is it around here?"

"A bit further dow— nya! Th-th-that's the spot..."

A minute later, Rin was seated on a nearby bench, hunched forward with her uniform raised so that Eli could apply a cold pack to her back. The pack had come from the mini first aid kit that Eli always kept in her purse; when she'd shown it to Rin, Eli had expected some teasing — _"Of course Eli-chan is overprepared like that!"_ — but instead, she'd been met with another silence. Clearly, there was still a stifled air between the two of them, but at the same time, Eli _had_ noticed Rin give a slight, amused smile upon seeing the first aid kit. _Maybe this situation isn't as bad as I thought..._

As Eli reached into the kit with one hand to grab a roll of tape, her other hand felt Rin's back tense up, and then—

"A-a-AAAAH-CHOO!"

Rin's sneeze — her second one within the past minute — was so violent it left her out of breath for a few seconds. Before she could reach up to wipe her nose, Eli tapped on her shoulder and offered a tissue. "O-oh, thanks..."

"You should've told me earlier that you were allergic to cats," said Eli as she unrolled and cut the tape.

"S-sorry about that. I guess I wasn't thinking..."

Eli was about to give a casual, "Yeah, I understand," but stopped herself because that would have been a flat-out lie. If she'd had the same condition as Rin, she would've used that as an excuse to distance herself from any and all felines; certainly, she wouldn't have thrown herself at a tree to try and rescue a kitten with her bare hands.

So instead of a follow-up, Eli allowed the conversation (if it could even be called that) to slip her by and drift off into oblivion. She started wrapping the tape around Rin's back in silence, cursing herself for being _this_ close to her and yet still feeling miles apart.

"D'you think he found his way home?"

"Huh?" Rin's question shocked Eli more than it should have, making her stop in the middle of wrapping. This was the first time Rin had initiated a conversation since Cornerstone Dressers, and that made Eli fumble to come up with an appropriate response. "I-I'm sure he did. He had a collar, didn't he? Someone will find him and call his owners."

"Yeah, that's what I'm hoping, too. But..." Rin's back relaxed a little. "It's reassuring to hear you say it, Eli-chan."

Eli jerked, the tape strip falling out of her hand. She hadn't expected such a sweet response, and with her name at the end of it to boot. She wanted to humble herself by saying it was only a natural thing to assume and all that, but she couldn't think of a way to say it without sounding forced. So she kept her mouth shut again, and instead tried to make it up to Rin by finishing with her first aid. However, when Eli reached out for the tape, a sharp pain erupted across her back.

_Rats, why did this have to happen before I finished!?_ She cursed her body for being so feeble and preventing her from doing something that could finally help mend bridges between her and Rin. She reached out again and picked up the tape anyway, stubbornly biting her lip through the pain, but as she brought her gaze back up off the ground, she found herself face-to-face with Rin as the younger girl turned her head.

"Don'tcha think that's enough tape?" Her mouth curved into a smile. "And don't forget to leave some for me!"

"For you?"

"Yeah! Rin has to do the same for Eli-chan, of course!"

Eli was at a loss for words; she hadn't shown even the slightest hint of being in pain since their fall, aside from her sudden hesitation just now. But when she looked at Rin, she couldn't find even a hint of mischief or false bravado in that smile. Somehow, the younger girl was convinced — no, she _knew_ that her senpai needed help as well. Even though it was embarrassing for Eli to be caught like that, who was she to deny Rin the satisfaction of helping another person?

"In that case..." She cut the tape, took another cold pack out of her bag, and handed both items to Rin. Then she turned and lifted up the back of her uniform — with a smile, even though Rin couldn't see it. "You can go right ahead."

The process went by much quicker and more smoothly than Eli had expected. Rin had never done first aid before, so Eli had to instruct her on how to crush and shake the cold pack. But after that, Eli was surprised at how quickly Rin had found the sore spot on her back, and even moreso when Rin started wrapping tape around it before Eli could even finish the first word of her instructions. When Eli commented on how quickly Rin was working, the younger girl said: "I'm just doing what Eli-chan showed me." It reminded Eli of the sisterly admiration on Rin's face, back when Eli had stepped out of the changing room in the ballerina dress. Now — and even during that moment at Cornerstone Dressers, looking back on it — Eli was feeling that same flutter in her heart from when she'd crossed the school gates. That feeling, that spark, was still a mystery to her; but here in this moment, with nothing but positivity between the two girls, Eli felt like she was at least a little closer to finding the answer.

"There!" Rin cut the tape and gave its spot on Eli's back a few light, affirmative taps. "Does it feel better, nya?"

"A lot better. Now I can finally..." Eli let her uniform and shoulders drop down with a sigh, "...relax."

She was going to ask for the tape back, but when she turned around, she found that Rin was already packing it back into the first aid kit. "I'm really, really, _really_ happy to hear Eli-chan say that."

"What else can I say?" said Eli as she received the kit from Rin. "You've been a great help to me, Rin, and I really appreciate it."

As Eli zipped up her purse, she heard a sharp gasp, making her head dart back up to look at Rin. The younger girl was staring at her with wide eyes — wide eyes that Eli had definitely seen earlier that day. Eli felt that familiar paralysis electrifying through her, but this time — remembering the kitten's mewl — she willed herself to step forward. "Wh-what's wrong?"

Rin remained like that for a few seconds more, making Eli prepare to vault forward, but then the younger girl opened her mouth — and laughed. "You're... you're... you're just like Kayo-chin!"

Eli's arm dropped straight down. "Eh...?"

"You worry too much! I mean..." Rin caught her breath before continuing: "I was just surprised to hear you thanking me like that. It really means a lot, hearing that from Eli-chan."

She said this with a low, tender voice that was completely at odds with her laugh just seconds ago. And yet, what struck Eli the most was the grin she gave at the end: big and bright, as if all of the day's last rays of sunlight had huddled together on her teeth. Compared to the overly-exuberant and slightly off-putting smiles Rin had given back on the rooftop, the one Eli was looking at right now felt at once completely natural and shockingly cathartic, as if something deep within Rin had finally felt safe enough to peek through the layers.

_Almost as if she's let go of something herself._

_"If she won't tell you right away, make her happy first, then try again. Like giving a cat a treat."_

Could this be the happiness that Hanayo was talking about? Granted, Eli had made a grave mistake with that before, confusing Rin's wondrous gazes in the changing room mirror with a newfound appreciation for her appearance. It made Eli hesitate to take hold of the dress jackets again, thinking back to the shock, anger, and eventual shame when Rin had returned the pink dress to its display case. But when Eli focused on the grin that was on Rin's face right now, she couldn't help but feel that it was separate from all of that, existing in its own realm of sincerity and honesty.

To match that, Eli said: "That makes me happy, too." She stood up from the bench, giving a smile and a wink as she offered her hand to Rin.

Rin took her hand gently, but without hesitation, standing up to meet her with a giggle. She held Eli's gaze for a moment, then opened her mouth to say something — until she was interrupted by

_*GRRRRR*_

"Oh oh?" Rin bent down and put an ear to Eli's stomach. "Sounds like Eli-chan's tummy is crying out for dinner, too."

"H-hey!" Eli crossed her arms over her stomach, then realized that this left her rapidly reddening cheeks defenceless. "Lunchtime was ages ago, so I really can't help it."

"You're right, nya..." Rin said with a whimper as she patted her own deflated belly. "Let's get going, then! The bridge is just over there!"

"The bridge..." Eli's voice trailed off as her legs moved of their own accord, following Rin down the sidewalk as if in a trance. It just now occurred to her how close they were to Hijiri-bashi Bridge; another few dozen steps and they'd be walking on suspended ground. Another few dozen steps after that, they'd be saying goodbye as their paths diverged for the day — or forever, in a figurative sense, if Eli didn't act within the next few seconds.

But when Eli turned her head to the side to see the smaller girl with her eyes beaming and her mouth barely able to contain the overjoyed words escaping from within, she felt an invisible hand covering her mouth. _Rin's in such a good mood... Do you really want to take that away from her again?_ Images and words from earlier that day flashed through her mind like warning signals: Hanayo talking about Rin's extended grudges, the tone of anger and hostility that had come from Rin back at Cornerstone Dressers, the stomp and door slam when Eli decided to buy the dress for her, the eyes that went from enraged to fearful after Eli's less-than-acceptable behaviour at the knickknack shop...

_Eyes..._

Rin's eyes during the rooftop rehearsal.

The kitten's eyes as it mewled from the tree.

The eyes Eli couldn't see, but feel, as Rin lay on her knees before the tree, motionless, expectant.

Two of those pairs of eyes had moved Eli enough to mobilize her into action. They had called out to her, cried out to her for help, and she'd responded in kind. Now, she wanted to do the same for the eyes that had started it all back on the rooftop; she _knew_ she could do it, but there was still something holding her at bay. Indeed, all Eli could do was continue walking down this path of negligence, the sounds of her footfalls filling in the gaps of silence between Rin's. _Pitter-patter, pitter-patter..._ A neverending rhythm that was far louder than it should have been, deafening and desensitizing Eli like the drone of midday traffic.

 _Traffic, traffic..._ If she let this moment pass on with the same kind of mundanity, she could let it fade out into the hustle and bustle of her everyday life, allowing her to put her mental energies toward things she knew she was good at, rather than worrying about the possibilities — of changing the status quo, of damaging her relationship with Rin, of screwing up and facing failure again. However, as the two of them drew nearer and nearer to the mouth of the bridge, another sound started to fill up Eli's headspace. It wasn't loud enough to overpower the incessant footsteps, but it seemed to rise up from beneath everything else and soak her entire body in sound.

_Running water..._

Before she knew it, Eli had lowered her gaze down and off to the side of Hijiri-bashi Bridge, toward Kanda River and the water that rushed on and on downstream. It reminded her of her first time swimming in the Moskva River. Before dipping in, she'd stubbornly ignored her mother's pleas to take off her favourite necklace. As karma would have it, that necklace came undone in the water and started floating away — far, far away, beyond what a young child could reasonably assume was the edge of the world. She'd cried back then, cried and gotten her mother angry at her for making a scene. The only thing that had calmed her down were some kind words from her Babushka:

_"Let it go for now. When the river takes something from you, you can't stop it. But maybe, if you're a good girl, it'll come back to you."_

Young Eli had had half a mind to dive back in and swim after it, but she chose instead to return to her family's side and wait patiently on the beach. Then, some time later, a woman came walking across the beach, asking if anyone had lost 'this beautiful trinket' — and thus, a cherished childhood memory was born.

It wasn't until years later that her Babushka had revealed that she'd seen a large congregation of people further downstream, so she was sure Eli's necklace would bump into one of them sooner or later. But regardless of whether or not that swimmer had caught it, the only reason Eli had lived to see the outcome was because she'd been convinced not to give blind chase and possibly drown herself in the process. Ever since then, she'd always found a feeling of inner zen and peace at the sound and rush of running water, whether it was shower rivulets, the splash of waterfalls at an onsen, or the roaring tide of Kanda River at sunset.

It was this inner peace that finally loosened her enough to take a deep breath, pick up her pace so that she got ahead of Rin, and step up in front to block the mouth of the bridge.

"Rin..." Eli paused to breathe out. "There's something I need to ask you."

"Nya? What's up?"

Eli gulped. From that nonchalant response, she could tell that Rin was completely oblivious, still caught up in the high of her good mood. She almost couldn't bring herself to disrupt that idyllic face, but when her eyes met with Rin's, she saw them replaced, for a brief moment, with those pleading eyes from the start of this whole journey, and that was enough to make Eli speak:

"Earlier, during rehearsal, why did you stop?"

Rin's mouth hung open for a second, her eyes piercing into Eli's, but then she stepped back with her hand behind her head. "D-didn't we already talk about this? I just didn't practice enough, that's all!"

"I know that's what you said, but..." Eli paused, noticing how Rin seemed to be squirming with anxiety. She felt the urge to look down and drop the act — drop this heated tension down into the river — but she forced herself to keep her head pointed up. "There's more to it, isn't there?"

After finishing her question, Eli found herself clenching her whole body tight, as if bracing for impact. What she'd just said was an arrow, piercing and invading the most private and personal corners of Rin's mind. She wouldn't be surprised if Rin were to lash out at her again, run away, or even just walk off across the bridge with a sharpened silence that said, "We're through as friends." _Why did I have to say it like that? I should've phrased it without sounding so nosy and accusatory..._

But now that she'd said it and Rin had heard it, there was no going back. Eli would just have to relinquish control of this situation to Rin. With that thought, she pretended she was lying on her back in river water, loosening up her body so that she'd be prepared for the moment Rin said—

"You really wanna know, huh? Then Rin will tell you, nya."

" _Eh?_ " Eli nearly tripped over herself, despite having stood completely still.

Rin chuckled. "Eli-chan looks so flustered! What were you expecting me to do?"

"Well, both times I asked you before, you wouldn't tell it to me, so..." Eli forced herself to keep her head up. "I figured that the reason must have been something personal. Something you wouldn't want to tell other people."

"Yeah..." Rin took her eyes off of Eli's, drifting them off toward the horizon behind her. "It _is_ something I wouldn't want to let anyone else know."

"Then why are you telling me now?"

"Because..." Rin let her voice trail off, and for some indeterminate time, there was near-silence between the two of them, the only thing sounding being the rush of the river that Rin was staring at. Eli watched, keeping her focus on how Rin held her head low, until suddenly: "Because of _that_."

Following Rin's finger, Eli moved her gaze down and off to her side a little, where she was greeted with—

"The dress?"

She looked back up to see Rin with her arms behind her back, staring down at her foot as she wiggled it anxiously — a demure pose that Eli would never have expected to see from Rin, at least until today. Despite her vulnerable position, the younger girl continued: "I know I said some mean things earlier at the shop. About how you were making up all those compliments just to make me feel better. But the fact that you were complimenting me at all, heck, even just the fact that you _wanted_ to see me in the dress so bad, makes me think you care about Rin tons and tons. And..."

Her voice trailed off. Eli again felt the temptation to let the tension slip away, but she decided that part of the follow-through on her decision meant helping Rin follow through as well. "And?"

"And... after everything..." There was a sudden silence, a sudden calm, as the river eased a bit down below, just in time for Rin to say: "I know Eli-chan really meant everything she said in those compliments."

"Rin..." Eli couldn't say any more than that. After all the time she'd wasted worrying over being misunderstood, it turned out that Rin had watched over Eli's behaviour and understood the older girl's intentions even better than Eli herself. This revelation had jostled Eli's mind too much to come up with a response, but before the silence went on for too long, she heard a sniffle.

"I... I..." Rin brought her hands up to her face, and as Eli followed their path, she saw two streams of tears dripping down Rin's cheeks. The younger girl's entire body was trembling, so it surprised Eli when she still managed to say: "I'm so sorry for being angry at you, and not talking to you, and being mean to you... I was just so scared that Eli— that you would be mad at me..."

Eli took a sharp breath. _She was avoiding me because she was afraid of hurting my feelings..._ It reminded her of Hanayo's story, of what Rin had confessed to that substitute teacher. When Eli had embarked on this mission to help Rin, she'd vowed not to let the same misfortune befall her kouhai, by being more open, more caring, and more approachable than that teacher had been.

_By being all of the things I'm not._

Evidently, she'd failed at doing so, and yet as Eli continued to watch Rin weep — like an inexperienced mother who lets her child cry out in public — she felt a strange sense of disconnect from what was happening before her. To have made a friend break down crying in public, in front of a major bridge at sunset, was so divorced from anything Eli had ever known that she'd convinced herself that this couldn't really be happening. This _had_ to be an embellished experience, a fantasy story from some little girl's diary, and like the story Hanayo had told her, it would all come to an end eventually.

But Rin kept on sobbing. No matter how long Eli stared at her, no matter how much the icy cold sensation of shame and guilt foistered through Eli's body, there was no way to hush this girl who was crying as a result of Eli's own failures. This was real, this was Eli's reality right now, and it wouldn't go away unless Eli did something about it.

_But what can I even do?_ Again, Eli felt like she was skirting along thin ice, as saying or doing the wrong thing would only make things worse. But as she looked at Rin, even as she grew more and more uncomfortable watching the younger girl's body continue to convulse, she was struck by something Rin had said just moments ago: _"It makes me think you care about Rin tons and tons."_

 _That's it._ She didn't want Rin to think — she wanted Rin to _know_. So without any further ado, Eli stepped up closer to Rin, feeling herself shake a little. What she was about to do was very much like the scene before her — something too out of the ordinary to feel real — but when she focused not on herself and instead on the poor girl who was feeling infinitely worse, she asked herself: what did that really matter in the face of her _real_ mission?

Slowly, she brought her arms up and formed a ring around Rin's body. She hesitated to bring her arms closer in, but when Rin shifted and Eli felt how much the younger girl's back was shaking, instinct overrode all of her excuses as she pulled the younger girl into the warmth of her chest.

Rin gasped at first, but then went quiet. Eli's mind settled as well, basking in the calm of the moment, but it didn't take long for her overactive thoughts to come back: _What if she doesn't like this? What if I'm hurting her? What if she takes my hesitation as 'fakeness' again?_ Her fears seemed to be realized when Rin raised her arms...

...and wrapped them around Eli's back, pulling her in closer.

Now it was Eli's turn to let out a gasp. Rin had seen right through her again, and then did exactly the thing Eli needed to put her anxieties to rest. Gratitiude, confusion, guilt... Eli wasn't sure what she was feeling right now, though she opened her mouth in an attempt to turn that whirlwind of emotion into something she could say to Rin. But when the sound of the river came back into her focus, rushing softly beneath the two of them, Eli knew that the best thing she could do was to keep holding Rin and not let go.

"Why?"

At Rin's question, Eli lifted her head off of Rin's shoulder to meet her eye-to-eye. Rin blinked away the last of her tears, then said: "Why would you forgive me so easily? Eli-chan didn't do anything wrong, but I did all that mean stuff anyway..."

Eli held her gaze for a while, then smiled. It seemed that Rin hadn't completely seen through her, so it was up to Eli to make it so — and destroy the last of the invisible barrier between the two of them. "It's because I need to even things out."

She saw that Rin was confused and brought her in closer. "I'm sorry, too, Rin. I'm sorry I didn't try speaking to you sooner. I'm sorry I got angry at you, and I'm sorry that I acted without thinking about how you would feel. As your senpai, I should've helped you out sooner, especially since you've helped me."

" _I_ helped _you_!?" Rin pulled back a bit. "When did that happen? This whole time, you've been trying to help me, even though I was too dumb to see it."

"If you really want to know, then look behind you, on the ground."

Rin did as Eli said, finding their shadows on the sidewalk. From where the sun was shining, Rin's shadow was a bit longer than Eli's, so that it looked like Rin was perched on Eli's shoulders.

"Remind you of anything?" said Eli. "I couldn't have rescued that kitten without your help."

"Not true." Rin darted her gaze down and to the side, but kept her arms around Eli's back. "Since you're so tall, you could've climbed up to reach one of those big branches. Rin just ended up weighing you down..."

"I'm not talking about reaching the kitten. I'm talking about what happened after you got hold of him. What you said to me right before we fell." After Eli said that, Rin brought her gaze back up with the same open-jawed awe from just a moment ago. This was Eli's cue to bring herself a little closer, before finishing with:

"You knew the exact words I needed to hear, Rin."

A train rattled through the lower level of the bridge as Rin's eyes went even wider. They remained like this for some time, until Rin's arms suddenly fell away from Eli's back.

"That's not fair, Eli-chan..." She wiped at her eyes. "I could say the same thing... about the things you say to me..."

"Thank you, Rin... It really means a lot, after all we've been through. But right now, could you do me a favour?"

Rin sniffled and cleared her throat in what Eli assumed was an attempt to regain her composure. "W-what is it?"

"Can you wipe my cheeks for me?"

To her surprise, Rin reached out a hand almost immediately. Whether this was out of obedience for her senpai, or some strange connection that the two of them now shared, Eli couldn't tell. The moment Rin's fingers touched her cheek and brushed against the fresh moisture there, Rin gasped. "Eli-chan... but why?"

Eli smiled — the kind of warm, squinted-eye smile that she used to associate with her Babushka, the one that had been tied exclusively to 'grown-ups' in her mind. "Because. Your senpai is a big dummy. The kind who won't ever show that she's crying."

For a moment, it seemed like Rin was about to bawl her eyes out again, as her mouth trembled and her eyes misted over. But the outburst never came, as she instead raised both hands to continue wiping Eli's cheeks. "Th-then let's get you fixed up quick! It wouldn't be right for the strong and reliable Eli-chan to go around looking like this."

"Thank you, Rin. But..." She looked at the younger girl with eyes that betrayed her age. "Would you forgive me for being selfish just this once?"

Without a single hint of that hesitation from earlier on the rooftop, Rin nodded.

That was Eli's cue to cry — to let her tears flow down from within, as free and as liberated as her necklace had been when she'd lost it in the river all those years ago. And yet, no matter how many tears she shed, Rin's hands always came back, catching each and every one of them.


	5. Chapter 5

"I think... I can tell you now."

A while later, when Eli's cheeks were no longer glistening in the light of the waning sun, the two girls sat beside each other on a bench near the mouth of Hijiri-bashi Bridge. Rin kept saying that now was the time she would tell the truth to Eli about her hesitation during the rehearsal — only for her voice to drown in another silence. Eli, carefully fixing the dress jackets beside her on the bench, knew not to press Rin on this matter; deciding the exact time and way to confess this truth was entirely Rin's call to make, and Eli would have to respect that. However, she couldn't deny that her curiosity was making her impatient, so whenever Rin started up again, Eli would immediately turn around and give Rin her full, undivided attention. But every time she did this, Rin would stutter — "um", "I..." — and then look down at her knees as the whole process repeated.

This time wasn't any different: Eli looked over just as Rin said "Now," and the moment she did, that word trailed off into oblivion. At this point, Eli was starting to get a little fed up. _Doesn't she want to know that I'm paying attention when she speaks?_ She sighed internally, wishing she had a remote control that could un-pause her kouhai's speech.

_Control..._

After Eli turned away, Rin started up again surprisingly quickly: "Eli-chan, this... this was what I wanted to tell you."

This time, Eli fought back her urge to turn her head. Instead, she let her eyes drift along the walls of the bridge, and immersed herself in thinking about how this one place was something the two of them had had in common all along.

"You're..." Rin gulped, but this was still progress. _She's finally about to say it!_ Eli could barely keep her hands from shaking as Rin continued:

"You're... really pretty."

Eli felt like a single drop of ice water had just landed on her in a hot spring. "W-what was that!?"

"What, do you want me to scream it, then!?" She stood up, ignoring Eli's raised hand and the start of her voice. Rin cupped her hands around her mouth and yelled down the river: "ELI-CHAN IS REALLY, REALLY PRETTY! AND BEAUTIFUL! AND SEXY! AND THE KIND OF WOMAN EVERY KOUHAI WISHES THEY COULD BE, NYAAA!"

"R-Rin, please, sit back down!" Eli didn't mean to scold her, but it was the least she could do to prevent her cheeks from exploding from all the heat.

"S-sorry..." Rin panted, "I just... had to let it all out at once..."

"That I understand, but..." Eli nearly bit her tongue as she tossed more dangerous words to the wind: " _Are you confessing your love to me!?_ "

"Whaaaaat!? No, no, nooooo! It's nothing like that! What I mean to say is..."

Rin took both of Eli's wrists and tugged her forward. Eli responded by standing up from the bench, even though she didn't know where this was going (and was somewhat agitated about finding out). Once she was on her feet, Rin stepped up close so that her head was tilted up to look at Eli's face.

"Eli-chan is all of those things I said — and more." Rin tightened her grip on Eli's wrists. "And when Rin thinks of walking right past her, she can't stop herself from feeling like she's... she's..."

"Underwhelming?"

"That's the word, nya! See, even Eli-chan's vocabulary is impressive!"

Eli would have chuckled at that off-hand compliment, but she was already caught up in analyzing what Rin had just confessed and using it to connect the dots. She gave a light nod, and was surprised when Rin responded by letting go of Eli's wrists.

"So do you get what I'm saying? When I think of walking past you, it's like I'm one of those commercials on TV — you know, the kind that just distract people from what they really wanna see for a second."

"Rin..."

"Y'know, it's kinda funny that Nico-chan caught me messing up. Even when I decide not to do it, I get punished just for thinking about it." Rin stepped over to the bench and slumped down onto it. "Eli-chan doesn't need me for that part of the dance."

She had curled herself up into a little ball while saying this, with her arms wrapped around her knees and her face brought down to hide behind them. Looking down at her, Eli noticed, for the first time since she'd met her, just how small Rin actually was. The younger girl's larger-than-life hysterics and boundless energy did a great job of counteracting the small presence she would have otherwise, but it didn't hide the fact that at the core of it all was a little girl who felt she had nothing. No presence, no control, no reputation worth upholding over others. It was the complete opposite of Eli's life, and as that realization set in, Eli once again felt like she was miles away from ever reaching her kouhai in mind and spirit. But as she stared at Rin's sunken figure on the bench, Eli saw it:

The dullness of her room back in Moscow, just after her mother had scolded her for neglecting a sickly Alisa.

The long line of chairs between her and the other auditioners, as they occasionally looked back at her and giggled.

The empty rooftop away from all her classmates, before they'd started calling her 'Student Council President.'

In all of these memories, Eli had looked exactly as Rin did now, crushed into that vulnerable position by the exact same feelings of worthlessness. And in all of these instances, she had eventually sucked up and forced her way forward, but if she were being honest with herself — if she were to listen to the silent words that her younger selves and Rin were crying out in unison — she'd wished that there had been someone who could say or do something to pick her back up after she had fallen. Not someone who would cradle her and make her feel even more fragile, but someone who would hoist her up above the world that kept pulling her down, then set her on the path to reach a future, better self.

 _Hoist up..._ She was brought back to the image of Rin sliding down the front of the tree, her front completely hidden from Eli, but her back and hesitation clearly calling for assistance.

And that was when Eli decided: she would be that 'someone' for her.

"Rin." Eli bent down and put her hand on Rin's shoulder. "Back in Russia, my instructor said there's only one cure for fixing any dancing mistake."

"R-really? What is it!? Tell Rin!"

Eli was slightly bewildered; was Rin expecting her to give some easy shortcut to success, like you'd see on TV commercials for losing weight? Unfortunately, she had to dash Rin's hopes by committing herself to uttering the truth:

"It's _practice._ "

"That sounds great! — wait what?" Rin stared at Eli, who kept her expression from faltering to confirm to Rin that yes, she'd heard her correctly. Afterwards, Rin stood up, only to have herself crash back down on the bench in an overly-dramatic fashion. "Oh come _ON_ ! But Rin won't be seeing Eli-chan until tomorrow at school, which means the only time I _can_ practice is during rehearsal with Nico-chan there to scold me again! Am I just trapped? Is that what you're trying to tell me, Eli-chan?"

"Er..." Eli backed away from Rin's face, which had gotten a little too close for comfort. "That's right, it would be too late if you waited until tomorrow. But..."

Here, Rin leaned in closer, drawn in by that simple, low utterance of 'but.' Eli clenched her hands into fists as she deigned to move forward with the momentum of her plan: "Who said you had to wait until tomorrow?"

"Well, I already told you, didn't I? I won't be able to practice with you 'til after school tomorrow, so—"

"That's not true." And here, Eli smiled the same way her mother would before surprising her with an early birthday present. "We have everything we need to practice it. Right now."

"Nyaaaaaa...!?" Rin jumped up from the bench, landing stiffly on her feet like a startled cat. "Right here?"

"Yeah, there's no problem, is there?"

"But, but..."

"And we have the perfect stage for it, too."

"Stage? You don't mean..."

"I do."

Rin slowly turned around to look at what had been looming over them this whole time: Hijiri-bashi Bridge. She stared at it for a while, and Eli knew why: down on the overpass, there were still people walking through, many of them looking up to take in the view of the bridge at sunset. And though the hustle and bustle of the day had died down long ago, there was still the occasional car driving over the bridge itself; who's to say they wouldn't stop to watch the free show on the sidewalk?

"But what if I mess up again?" Rin said.

"You won't. I promise you."

"But Eli-chan...!"

"No buts!" Before Rin could say anything, Eli took hold of Rin's wrist and started dragging her over to the bridge's entrance. It sent slight shivers up Eli's spine as she remembered doing this with the shops not long ago — except now the roles were reversed. Unlike what had happened at Cornerstone Fashion, however, Rin didn't try to pull away.

"Eli-chan is so _meeeaaan_!" Rin yelled despite her submissiveness. "Using your size advantage to make Rin do things she doesn't want!"

"But Rin," said Eli while keeping her head pointed forward, "Are you sure you don't want to?"

"Well... Of course I really want to! Because..." Rin's voice seemed to get caught in her throat, but then she beamed: "Because Eli-chan knows what's best for me."

She grabbed onto Eli's wrist, completing the tie between the two as they arrived at Hijiri-bashi Bridge.

A few seconds later, Eli stood three long strides from the mouth of the bridge. After laying her purse and the dress jackets on the sidewalk by the bridge's parapet, she took a deep breath and looked out across the makeshift stage. Standing opposite her, at the mouth of the bridge, was Rin — still shaking in the knees, in a way such that Eli wasn't sure if it was from anxiety, excitement, or both.

"You ready over there?" Eli called. "I'm gonna start counting. After eight, we start walking. Does that sound good?"

Rin didn't say anything, as she continued to wobble her legs from afar. However, Eli could vaguely make out the signs of a nod.

"Alright..." Eli took a deep breath. "One... two..."

Rin straightened herself out of her wobbly stance.

"Three... four..."

She looked ahead so that she was staring directly at Eli.

"Five... six... seven..."

She brought her open palm up in front of her exactly on-time with Eli — who was ecstatic. _Are we finally going to overcome this?_

"Eigh—"

_"Wait!"_

Rin's voice rung in Eli's ears so loud, she thought it was the whistle of a passing train. "What's wrong?"

"I... I..." Rin's head dropped so that she was looking at the ground. This was Eli's cue to walk over and ask in a softer voice, but before she could take even one step, Rin looked back up and yelled: "I just can't do it after all!"

"What makes you say that?" Eli brought her arm down to her side to show her undivided attention. "We were doing perfectly fine up until that point."

"It's just... when I look at Eli-chan from far away again, and see how she's so much bigger and more important-looking — and how I have to walk right up to you and see all that up-close..."

"I see." Eli crossed her arms, intending to look like the student councilor she'd visited a few times at Otonokizaka. "Rin, I think you have what's called performance anxiety."

"Perform axe society?"

Eli barely stifled back a chuckle, reforming it into a light smile. "Performance _anxiety_. You become deathly afraid of what others will think of you, but only in the middle of a performance."

Rin looked at her dumbfounded, with the same slackjawed expression that had become familiar to Eli over the course of this journey. That look was how Eli knew she was on the right track, so she went on, deciding to uphold their new policy of no secrets, no barriers: "I've had it happen to me lots of times, back when I did ballet. Usually, it happens because there's something around you that acts like a trigger, then once it starts you can't stop thinking about it. In my case, it was my mom, who was always watching from the front. And based on what you told me just now..."

"Eli-chan is _my_ trigger?"

Eli nodded. "You keep fixating on me and how you think your appearance stacks up against mine."

"But that's not my fault! Because of the dance, I _have_ to keep my eyes on you even if I don't want to. Rin can't help thinking about that kind of stuff when it's right in front of her!"

"You're right," said Eli. "We can't stop you from looking at me... but what if we changed _what_ you think about when you look at me?"

"H-huh? Well, I guess that makes sense... But how are we going to do that? Are you gonna brainwash me!?"

"No, no, nothing like that. It's..." Eli smiled as she decided on the words she would use to describe it: "It's a technique where I'll have to trust you a hundred percent."

Rin had no response, but she held an unflinching gaze that said: _Go on._

"When you look at me, I want you to think about this." Eli took a deep breath. What she was about to tell Rin was the culmination of all she'd been thinking about ever since she had seen how small Rin was on the bench. And now that they were standing right on the bridge, on the threshold that both divided and united the two of them, this experience gave Eli the final piece of the puzzle she needed to put her insight into words. She walked up closer to Rin.

"Look at the bridge that we're on." Eli gestured all around the stone structure of Hijiri-bashi bridge, using sweeping arm movements to emphasize the sense of scale. "I want you to think of this as the stage that we'll be using in two weeks' time. I might be bigger than you, Rin, but this stage is so much bigger and more important than any of us. So when you see me about to pass you by, I want you to 'zoom out' and think about how here, in this moment, we're both equal parts of something so much greater."

"I-I see..." Rin stared at her listlessly, but it wasn't the in-one-ear-and-out-the-other variety that Eli would sometimes see from Alisa. In fact, Rin's eyes suggested quite the opposite. "Is that what you used to get over your own anxiety, Eli-chan?"

"Yes, it's helped me out lots of times, for ballet and other things. But why do you ask?"

"Because, if it worked for Eli-chan, I know it'll work for me! After all..." Rin grinned that big, white, cherubic smile that Eli had always associated with her youthful face, and said: "We're equals, right?"

Eli smiled back. Although she couldn't match that youthful exuberance, this exchange had made her feel more connected to Rin than she ever could have imagined not long ago.

On that bright note, the two of them resumed their original positions. As Eli walked deeper into the bridge, she chanced a quick look at Rin and found that she was skipping along, with no sign of those wobbly legs from earlier. _Now, if only I could do the same for myself..._

"One... two..."

Rin stared from afar, back straight, chin up, smile still there.

"Three... four..."

Her eyes met Eli's own.

"Five... six... seven..."

Both girls brought their right arms up so that their open palms faced the other. They did this in just as synchronized a fashion as before, but Eli noticed that Rin's arm rose more smoothly and without any hesitation — which meant the same was true for her own arm as well.

"Eight!"

The next moment rushed in like a tidal wave that had come in and swallowed everything without warning. Perhaps Eli was still phased from how she'd seen this exact same scene halted two different times, but she found it utterly surreal how she was lifting her left foot exactly in-time with Rin's right foot. As their strides reached out further at the exact same rate, Eli continued to be in absolute awe at how two different people could be so connected in time and space like this. Rationally, this shouldn't have been such a spectacle for her; synchronized movements were the bread and butter of any dance with more than one dancer, and Eli, being μ's' choreographer, knew this better than anyone.

And yet, as their feet tapped the stone floor at the exact same time, Eli felt like she was being ushered into an experience that she had never partaken in until this moment — and, quite possibly, it would be one she'd never experience again. When she looked at Rin and saw the way her eyes and ears seem to perk up, she knew that the younger girl was feeling the same way.

Despite these foreign sensations, neither girl faltered as they went on into the second step. At this distance, Rin's face was coming more clearly into focus, allowing Eli to take in Rin's eyes and see how different they were compared to this morning. Back then, Rin's eyes had been worryingly big and relentlessly unblinking, as if they'd been afraid of being squashed by something much larger at any second. But the Rin that stood in front of Eli right now, in the day's last rays of sunlight, had eyes that were slightly narrowed, as if focusing on something infinitely far ahead, and they blinked at a relaxed but careful rate — as if the younger girl were snapping photos of a part of her life that she never wished to forget.

It soothed Eli's heart, seeing Rin's mysterious anxiety finally resolved. Although both of them had to remain silent during the dance, Eli held onto the younger girl's gaze to say: _I hope I never forget this moment, either._

_*THUD*_

Third step. Now the two girls were barely more than an arm's length away. While the distance between them was rapidly shrinking, the disparity in their heights only grew larger and larger. Eli watched as Rin's body went stiff, her face uncomfortably still as if she'd forgotten to breathe. And, when Eli focused on her own body, she found that she had gone tense as well.

A cold chill poured through Eli's blood, and for a moment she pictured her foot hanging awkwardly in the air, just like her blunder back on the rooftop. Would the two of them end up faltering here and throw all of their progress down the drain? But before that arresting thought could ensnare Eli completely, a second voice called out in her mind:

 _Stop_.

It wasn't desperate, but commanding. Immediately, Eli recognized it as the voice she would use during student council meetings. This whole journey, she had wanted to separate herself from that side of her identity; but now, that part of her sounded agreeable, rousing even, as it continued with: _Stop, and look outside yourself._

So she did, and when she focused again on Rin and those eyes that seemed like they would burst into tears any second, she was taken back to how she'd felt right after Rin had confessed to her on the bench. She recalled that deep sympathy, transformed into profound empathy, and then finally into a real, almost tangible connection that had finally moved her to take action.

_Connection..._

If the two of them really were linked in mind and spirit in this moment, then Eli reasoned that if she could push through and break the tension herself, then like electricity rushing down a wire, the same strength would be transferred to Rin. So in the next split-second, Eli forced herself to discard any thoughts of failing the rehearsal then and there, instead putting all of her energy into correcting her posture and, most importantly, her mindset. Usually, she did this sort of thing to calm her nerves before making a school announcement; but here, she was directing that confidence not inwards, but outwards, hoping she could share it with someone who desperately needed it.

Like a mirror, Rin's body rebounded with vigor at the exact same moment, livening up like a doll made into a real girl through a fairy godmother's magic. Although Eli couldn't see her own face, she could tell from Rin's sincerest of smiles that she was reflecting that shared joy just as brightly.

In the midst of all this, a strange feeling had been welling up within Eli. As their bodies drew closer together, a cool chill ran down from her head and over the rest of her figure. It wasn't the cold tremor she'd had moments ago when she was afraid of faltering, but rather a refreshing summer breeze — one that seemed to be coming from Rin, and only grew stronger as Eli inched her hanging foot farther and farther ahead until...

_*THUD*_

Fourth step. The intersecting step.

Just as Eli had specified in her choreography, both she and Rin raised their arms the moment their bodies aligned, letting their open palms reach up to the skies, before wheeling their arms back and then down to their sides like a leisurely ferris wheel. To their future audience, this gesture would last little more than a second, coming and going with the spectacle and brevity of a single spark.

But for Eli, this whole exchange seemed to last an eternity. As soon as her figure aligned with Rin's, that was when it happened: her arms and legs seemed to move on their own, like she was watching herself sleepwalk. She was glad that Rin couldn't see her face anymore; otherwise, she would've been thrown off by the incredulous face Eli was making as she _swore_ she felt Rin's hand holding onto hers, hoisting it up, up, up, further than Eli thought possible even with her huge arms. Of course, this handholding didn't actually happen, as Eli saw with her own eyes that their open palms, despite coming very close, never actually touched. But it was enough to send Eli's inner world completely off-balance, even as she took the fifth and final step with confidence and grace.

_Six... Seven... Eight._

On the final beat, Eli turned on her heel to look back in the direction of where she'd started from. Sure enough, Rin was standing there now, having turned around at seemingly the exact same time.

"We..." Rin's eyes went wide and her mouth hung agape, before: "WE DID IT! WE DID IT WE DID IT WE DID _IT_!" She ran over and leapt onto the older girl, trapping her in a bear hug, before Eli had time to react.

"We really did...!" said Eli, trying to wriggle out of Rin's embrace just enough to breathe in and out properly. "I promised you that you wouldn't mess up this time."

"You're right! — no, I should say, you were right all along! Eli-chi-chan really _is_ the best for believing in Rin until the end!"

At that, Eli couldn't stop herself from bringing her arms up and completing the hug. "I'm flattered, Rin, but you ought to give yourself a hug, too. After all, you were the one who decided to take the first step, and then to keep going after that."

"Maybe that's true," said Rin, "but Eli-chan was helping me out the whole way!"

"Oh, really?" Eli worried that Rin would feel her body go tense. She had definitely helped Rin during that one split-second of shared anxiety, but she was still justified in asking: "I helped the whole way?"

"Sure you did! Everytime I thought 'no, maybe I can't do this after all,' I just took one look at you and how you were doing it. But instead of thinking 'I could never be like that!', I did what you said and pictured me being like the mirror of you on this big stage — I mean, bridge. If Eli-chan had to look cool and sure of herself, then Rin had to be like that, too! ...Wait, why're you laughing?"

"Oh, nothing. Just thinking about the chicken and the egg."

"Huh!? Why're you thinking about something from grade school?"

"Because sometimes, it's hard to tell who helped who." As Eli expected, Rin made a wide-browed face that said, 'That just made me even more confused!' But instead of getting hung up on that, Eli laughed a little, then said: "But you know, Rin, even though you've already helped me out a lot today, there's one more favour I'd like to ask of you."

"Nya? What is it?"

Eli tried to let the words out, but her mouth froze, hanging open before she said even the first syllable. At this point, she _really_ felt like kicking herself for hesitating to express herself honestly even after having come this far. Rin was right in front of her, and not only that, but they were still locked in an embrace, sharing each other's warmth. Whatever barriers existed between them now were entirely her own doing.

"C'mon, say it!" Rin shook her arms a bit, in turn making Eli's body shake with it. "How can I help if you don't even tell me?"

"...!" Eli was struck with the strangest sense of deja vu from Rin's words. Not from how she'd said it, but from how her words recalled a not-too-distant memory of a different Rin. The one from the Otonokizaka rooftop, whose eyes had been crying out for help — but whose mouth and body did nothing to give those cries an actual form for Eli to grasp onto. In that moment, Eli had felt a kind of familiarity that she couldn't identify, but now with Rin's words ringing in her ears, alongside recollections of all those times today when Rin had reached out to her, the final piece of the puzzle finally fell into place:

_I've had those same eyes for years and years._

Ones that she'd learned to hide with a body that was always moving and a voice that was always externalizing. In a way, that made her feel like a coward compared to Rin, who at least had the honesty to stop herself during her moment of weakness and signal that she wasn't alright inside. For the longest time, Eli had believed herself to be incapable of doing that — of showing weakness before others — but after having cried together and triumphing over their past mistakes together, could Eli really apply that to the self standing here right now?

And so, taking a deep breath, and making sure to smile at the end of it, Eli asked: "Can we practice one more time?"

"Again!?" Despite the mix of surprise and annoyance in Rin's voice, the younger girl's expression was one of deep observation, like she was trying to solve a riddle inscribed on Eli's forehead. "Well, if Eli-chan wants to, then Rin has no problem with it. _Buuut_ I have a question and one condition."

"What's the question?"

"Isn't it obvious? Why do you want to practice again?"

"That's..." Eli looked off into the distance for a second — before forcing herself to look back at Rin's eyes. She fumbled in trying to put such a bizarre and personal experience into words, but as she held Rin's gaze, eventually both her mouth and her mind relaxed so that she could say: "The reason is that... in the middle of the dance, I felt something strange."

"Something 'strange?' What is it? Maybe..." Rin giggled. "...Eli-chan has a thing for Rin now?"

"Th-that's not it!" Eli said, unaware of how red her cheeks had gotten. "...I mean, I'm sure it wasn't anything like that. But it all happened too fast for me to figure out what that feeling was."

"So you wanna see if you can get that feeling again?"

"Exactly. I know it's a silly request—"

"Say no more!" Rin placed a finger on Eli's lips. "You were honest with me, so how could I say no?"

Eli took Rin's finger off of herself and instead intertwined their fingers together. "Then what's that condition you mentioned?"

"It's... y'know what, forget about it!" Rin turned around to exaggeratedly gesture at the empty bridge. "Let's just get this started right away! I know Eli-chan can't wait!"

"Rin..."

"Er..." The younger girl turned her head to look at Eli, then followed with the rest of her body. With a dramatic breath, she said: "Fine. You're gonna think it's dumb, but um... can I be the one to count the first eight beats?"

Eli smiled, marvelling at how the two of them were really two sides of the same coin. "If you really want to, I don't see why not. All you need to do is ask," she said with a wink.

With that, Rin smiled back, and rushed over to her original spot at the mouth of the bridge. Eli could see a kind of resolute strength to her carefree gait; maybe it had come from the responsibility of counting the first eight beats? Either way, that image of Rin struck enough of a chord with Eli to make her think: _She'd make a great leader of her own, someday._

Keeping those musings to herself — and realizing how much they made her sound like an old fogey — Eli started a slow walk back to her starting position. It was strange; when they practiced the first time, the walk over seemed to happen in an instant, a mere comma in the middle of their grander tale. But now, those six steps seemed to take painstakingly long, as Eli felt hyperaware of everything around her: the rush of the river, the last vestiges of sunlight, and the looming bridge whose walls echoed each of her footsteps. She knew she had been the one to liken this bridge to a 'stage' earlier, but now that sense of grandeur and importance weighed down on her all at once.

"Uh, Eli-chan, where're you going?"

"Huh...?"

"You're walking too far."

"O-oh..." Eli stopped, noticing that Rin was right as she saw that she was approaching the middle of the bridge. She took three steps backward.

"Two more!" Rin called out, taking Eli by surprise. Eli had expected Rin to be too preoccupied with waiting to start, but in reality, she'd been watching and counting each of Eli's steps — and waiting for the opportunity to help. While Eli felt a shade of embarrassment for having to be corrected by her kouhai, she also felt the slightest twinge of that mysterious feeling from their first practice. _Just what could it be?_

"Are you ready?" Rin called out.

As soon as Eli gave an emphatic "Yes!", the younger girl started counting. She was, admittedly, a little off-beat, but Eli chalked it up to a mixture of nervousness and giddiness. Just the fact that Rin was taking the initiative like this was enough to make Eli pumped for what would come next.

"...Six... Seven... Eight!"

And with that, the two were off again. The first two steps proceeded almost exactly the same way as they had before, though Eli noted that Rin seemed to give off more of an air of confidence this time around.

It was on the third step that Eli started to get that queasy feeling again — the moment when Rin's face was close enough for her to see every detail of it. _Is it because of a lingering memory of what happened on the rooftop?_ But that couldn't be it, as Rin's eyes showed no hints of her prior helplessness. With nothing but confusion and anxiety running through her, time slowed down as Eli almost couldn't bring herself to raise her foot off the ground. But then, in the next moment, Eli's eyes darted down to Rin's mouth, where she saw it happen:

Rin's smile widened even further.

At first Eli, didn't know how to take this. Was Rin trying to stifle back a laugh at seeing Eli nearly mess up? After all, Rin would often be the first to laugh in the face of the other girls' misfortunes, but this scenario didn't fit with the Rin that Eli knew was standing before her right now. Ever since they arrived at the bridge, Rin had been nothing but understanding of Eli's plights. So that left just one interpretation for Eli:

_She's trying to comfort me?_

This moment of revelation caused a shot of self-consciousness in Eli, as she suddenly became aware of her body language. She knew that her movements were on time, as she was sure her synchronization with Rin had reached its peak once again. But everything else couldn't be farther from how she saw Rin's figure: Eli's feet were planted a little too solidly on the ground while her legs had too much looseness to them, and her left arm was locked in place like a coin wedged between two bricks, instead of feeling like a natural extension of Eli's forward momentum. She felt like a younger teen doing their first driving test: cautiously in control of every movement, but in a way that spelled tragedy if even the slightest bit of that control slipped through her fingers.

But now that Eli was aware of this, thanks in no small part to her watchful kouhai, she used this split second of self-consciousness to readjust herself. At first, she tried recalling what she'd done during their first rehearsal, but then she decided to simply copy the other dancer in front of her. When she did that, she found that all of her problems — physically and mentally — vanished in an instant.

Well, all except for one. Even though Eli felt looser and more relaxed on the outside, she still felt her heart racing as her raised foot passed its zenith and landed the fourth step — the intersecting step — with a resounding _thud_. As she and Rin drew the rest of their bodies forward to meet the anchoring points of their feet, Eli started to feel that same out-of-body sensation from last time. Now that she knew it was coming, she was able to focus on just what this sensation was:

_It's less like I'm being taken out of my body, and more like... Something inside me is trying to get out?_

There was some sense of struggle and rebellion to that 'something', as if it were trying to get away from whatever was holding it back. At the same time, Eli was now in that familiar zone of frozen time where her mind seemed to move independent of the world, the girl before her, and even Eli's own body.

And that was when Eli put it all together: her soul was trying to escape the confines of her body. The body that had always brought it down with the weight of age, obligation, and inferiority. Without all these things, she felt a worriless, almost childlike joy at how beautiful this world was, the one where she was dancing a no-stakes dance with a similarly carefree young girl. It was free, it was invigorating — but also terrifying, having her naked mind out in the open like this. Even though she loved this newfound freedom and wanted it to last, she couldn't help herself from wanting to latch back onto something to put this mind of hers "to good use": the chores she'd have waiting for her back at the apartment, the homework she had to do tonight, the advice she'd planned to give to Honoka tomorrow, the unending task of becoming a woman her family would be proud of... Eli simply couldn't exist in this freeform state anymore, as much as she wished and begged to return to it, and because of that she was left in want of something to grasp onto.

But at the same time, this left her sounding needy — sounding weak — and this sudden bout of self-denial jolted Eli back to her senses just in time to see her outstretched hand start to jitter.

 _No way... why now!?_ She was close enough to Rin to have the younger girl's head and shoulders fill her entire frame of vision, which meant they were almost close enough to begin raising their arms. As such, it was absolutely critical for Eli to keep her arm steady so as to emphasize the following movement, but her body — which she might still have been detached from — refused to co-operate. The more she willed herself to straighten her arm, the more it shook, the more it faltered, until at last it seemed to lock onto one direction: _downward_.

Seeing this, in her state of heightened mental awareness, made Eli want to cry out in defeat. She'd had this experience of royally screwing up earlier that same day, during her misstep in the rooftop rehearsal, but somehow the embarrassment of doing so in front of eight other people felt like nothing compared to what she was feeling now. This dance was supposed to be _proof_ — an unwavering oath that she had overcome her own selfishness to unite with Rin in mind and spirit. And now, because of her own negligence, was Eli about to prove to herself that that first success had just been a fluke? When she looked at Rin and saw how her eyes were still as bright as ever, completely unsuspecting of the tragedy her senpai was about to commit, it took all of Eli's willpower not to shut her eyes and apologize profusely.

Instead, her focus found its way back to her arm and Rin's, as some masochistic part of her mind wanted to see the moment of her failure front-and-centre. Soon enough, she saw the younger girl begin to raise her arm, while Eli's own arm rose up just as smoothly to match.

_Wait... what?_

Despite her misgivings, her right arm continued to move and follow Rin's. As this happened, she noted that she no longer felt that detached sensation of floating away from her body. The more she focused on how her hand moved in tandem with Rin's, the more those feelings of insecurity diminished. And then Eli understood that there wasn't any need for her to grasp onto something anymore — because she'd grasped onto Rin instead.

_Is this really happening...?_

With this unseen connection between the two girls, their arms continued to rise, higher and higher still, as if they were trying to catch the sun before it abandoned them. Then, at the zenith where both of their palms pointed straight up toward the heavens, Eli felt it:

Warmth.

It was brief, but there was a kind of movement to the way it disappeared; maybe it was a summer breeze that had almost eluded Eli? It was startling enough to make Eli want to drop her arm straight down, but like last time, she felt Rin's hand holding hers up, even though they weren't physically touching. This combination of a fleeting warmth and their hands figuratively coming into contact struck Eli like a flurry of hail as she finally put words to this wondrous sensation that engulfed the moment of hers and Rin's intersection:

_A passing of the torch._

After mentally speaking those five words, everything came together in Eli's mind: from the sense of pride and admiration she'd felt toward Rin's initiative just a few moments ago, to the feeling of release and relief when Rin had spoken those magic words just before Eli had let herself fall backward. Ever since she'd started to learn about Rin during this roundabout mission, she had sensed a certain something that made her want to get closer to her kouhai — not just out of obligation toward Hanayo, but for her own personal interests just as well. Perhaps it was the way the two of them constructed walls around themselves that they refused to tear down unless someone made an effort to invade for their own good; Eli's mind went back to a few minutes ago when the two of them had exchanged lies and lie breakers.

But perhaps it was something even deeper than that. Perhaps — Eli thought as she raised her foot for the fifth step that put Rin entirely out of her field of vision — perhaps their core experiences, their lives, hadn't been so different after all. The way Rin had been intimidated by Eli's immaculate figure, as well as Rin's unspoken desire to be that immaculate herself, reminded Eli so much of the downtime before her ballet auditions where she'd watch and envy the girls who were worlds above her in appearance and skill. She and Rin had both stood at the ends of their own stages, reluctant to perform and put themselves out for everyone to see; but now, they were crossing the center of a shared stage, with no one's eyes but their own to heed them on.

And when Eli had seen those eyes just moments ago, back when she was close to breaking down in the middle of the dance, they hadn't been naive and unsuspecting at all. Rather, they had been saying to her:

_"You don't have to hold everything up on your own. I'll be there for you."_

With Rin's silent words echoing through her head, Eli finally relinquished control of her raised foot, bringing it down on the bridge's stone floor with a proud and conclusive _thud_.

_Six... Seven... Eight!_

Taking a deep breath while turning around, she saw the bridge come into view, followed by Rin as, like last time, she appeared to be turning around at exactly the same time.

"WE DID IT AGAIN!"

"Yes!" said Eli. This time, she was prepared for Rin's leaping embrace and held up her arms to grab her. "I couldn't have done it without you, Rin."

"You love to keep saying that, don'cha?"

"Because it's true! When my arm started to lock up near the beginning, I saw you trying to smile for me, more than for the dance."

"H-huh? I have no idea what you're—"

"Hey now!" Eli started swaying Rin violently from side-to-side in her arms. "You said yourself that there's no use lying between the two of us anymore, right?"

"A-aaaaah! Okay, okay! Rin admits: she did it for Eli's sake!"

"Good girl." Eli stopped swaying her arms, bringing both of them back into a calm state before saying: "But that's not all."

She hesitated, wondering if what she was about to bring up sounded like crazy speak. But she brushed the idea of embarrassment aside just as quickly; after all, what was there left to fear with this girl? "Right before we raised our arms, I was nervous, and my arm started to fall. But then..." Here, she paused again, before continuing with the first words that came to mind: "It was like I could feel your hand lifting mine."

Silence followed, which Eli assumed was from Rin trying to process the ridiculousness of her words, but then Rin's eyes went wide. "No way... I think I felt it too."

Eli said nothing, instead giving Rin the space and freedom to continue:

"I saw what was happening to your arm, so when I raised mine, I kept thinking, 'Oh, if only I could help Eli-chan with this next part!' And then I almost jumped 'cause it felt like I was holding your hand — even though that's impossible."

Eli was dumbstruck; never, in a million years, would she have expected someone else to share the kind of bizarre, abstract thoughts that she would sometimes experience. It was strange, but at the same time reassuring enough to make her let go of a breath she didn't know she'd been holding. "You're right, it's incredible, isn't it?"

"But did it actually happen?" Rin's bluntness threw Eli off-guard. "Did you _actually_ take my hand, Eli-chan?"

"It's..." Eli tried to come up with a reasonable, mature response, but after realizing that she herself didn't know, she resolved that this would be one instance where she would have to leave the answer up to some higher power that was beyond her. "Who knows?" she said. "But what's important is that you were there to help me."

At that, Eli set Rin back down on the ground. She was going to say 'thank you,' but then she noticed Rin nodding with a smile and realized: the words had already been written on her face, now that she felt no need to hide anything. They remained like that for some time, then started walking back to the bench, their footsteps falling into sync without either one noticing.

"So didja find what you were looking for?"

"Eh?" Rin's question had caught Eli off-guard and, truthfully, she didn't know how to respond. Her 'discovery' had been the kind of personal thing that would usually earn a curt 'Yes' or 'No' response from her whenever someone asked about it. Part of that she chalked up to her usual behaviour of closing herself off, but now, Eli realized, another big part of it might be that she just didn't know how to express these sorts of things to others. She envied people like Hanayo and Umi who could turn their innermost feelings into drawings or song lyrics; for someone whose modes of communication usually consisted of formal meeting addresses and stodgy reports, she could only dream of doing something like those two.

 _But maybe I don't actually need to say anything._ Her mind went back to the widening of Rin's smile, and how that had said more than any spoken word. Perhaps, Eli thought, when two people have gotten close enough to overcome those invisible barriers, they enter this special dimension where each action they perform takes on many forms in the eyes of the other. The bridge had certainly felt like a brand new world when they'd danced on it together — but who said it had to remain there?

"Yes, I found it." Speaking those few words in a nonchalant manner, Eli walked up and took Rin's hands in hers. Bringing her arms up so that Rin could see their interlocked fingers, Eli said: "Thanks again, Rin."

Rin didn't say anything, but just like how Eli's gesture of intertwining had expressed all she'd needed to say, Rin's smile and the strengthening of her grip on Eli's fingers — transferring control of their posture over to her — told Eli everything she needed to know.

So it was with a smile and a strong, unwavering grip that Eli let her gaze linger over hers and Rin's interlocked fingers. But then, when she looked back up toward Rin's face, she failed to see it through a fresh a sheet of darkness. Immediately, her fingers began losing their grip.

"Hey, what's wrong, Eli-chan?"

"N-nothing," said Eli. She looked up at the sky. "But it's getting really late, isn't it? Why don't we hurry on and—"

 _"Mmmmm."_ Rin stared at her with a grimace, which made Eli facepalm internally. Of course, crossing those barriers also came with the stipulation that she could hide nothing from Rin anymore.

Eli sighed. "Fine, you got me. I just feel a little... uneasy in dark places."

"Nya?" Rin stared at her wide-eyed, as if _this_ were the most shocking thing she'd learned the whole day. "Big ol' Eli-chan is still afraid of the dark!?"

Eli could already feel her cheeks flaring up. Stomping forward, she said: "P-please don't laugh!"

Rin giggled.

"I said—!"

"Nah, nah, I'm not laughing about that! It's just... why would I even find that funny in the first place?"

Eli was about to ask Rin to elaborate, but then stopped, for she knew — perhaps by the thread that now connected them — that Rin was about to answer all of the questions she had.

"First of all," Rin continued, "that's something super personal! And the fact that you're telling Rin means you trust her, which makes her super happy. But that's not all..."

She turned her back to Eli and walked closer to the horizon, her hands held behind her back while her head was held high to take in the evening sky. For a second, perhaps due to the darkness, and perhaps due to the overactive imagination that had been unlocked within her today, Eli saw the pink dress fitting comfortably over Rin, in a pose that seemed to be made for it.

After a short while, Rin held her head up even higher and said: "I used to be afraid of the dark, too! And it wasn't even that long ago. So knowing that Eli-chan is afraid, too, makes me feel like..." She turned her head with a smile that was halfway between sly and endearing, then turned her whole body around so that she could stretch her arm toward Eli and grab hold of her sleeve. "...Knowing that makes me feel like I can reach Eli-chan more easily, y'know?"

Eli glanced down at the hand holding onto her sleeve, then looked back up and giggled. "And now I know that I can always reach out to Rin. Speaking of which... I have one last favour to ask of you."

"Really, really!? What is it? Tell Rin!"

Here, Eli paused as she got caught in her kouhai's gaze once again. What she was about to ask was embarrassing, to say the least, and that feeling was only magnified when Rin tilted her head up to meet Eli's eyes with her own. And yet, it was those same eyes, gleaming in the moonlight like those of a watchful cat, that brought Eli to focus not on herself, but on this one other girl keeping her company in the dark.

It was this same girl, Eli noted, who had blanketed her with a smile when she was about to break down in the middle of their rehearsal;

The same girl who'd seen the radiance in Eli's dressed up figure, when Eli herself had seen only darkness;

The very same girl who, after years of Eli trying to hold up everything by herself, had given her senpai permission to fall down.

And when Eli recounted just how many times she'd 'fallen' today, only to be picked back up by that younger — but stronger — hand that was never too far away, her entire body was awash with a warm joy, as if she were still underneath the flame from their passing of the torch. And in the new light from that flame, Eli saw that the eyes staring into her weren't ones to run away from, but ones that she could trust enough, rely on enough, to finally ask:

"I'm scared to go alone, so can you walk me home?"


	6. Chapter 6

The moon had already begun peeking over the Tokyo skyline by the time they reached Eli's apartment. Although Eli remembered the walk there being pleasant, she couldn't actually recall much of what had happened along the way. It reminded her of those nights many, many years ago when she'd half-sleepingly ride on her father's back as he carried her back home from late evening practices. Rin and her father were nothing alike — least of all in their heights relative to Eli — but if there was one thing they shared in her mind, it was that vigorous, unapologetic motivation to carry Eli off and make her feel like that difference in size was meaningless as they trekked together underneath a much larger sky of endless stars.

Once the figurative piggyback was over, the two of them stood beside the apartment's front entrance and lollygagged about innocuous things: Eli's home being much smaller and less "princess-like" than Rin had expected, discussing what they were going to have for dinner (Rin finally decided on tonkatsu ramen), and Rin telling Eli how lucky she was for having a little sister as Rin herself was an only child. Although Eli smiled and agreed with her through most of the latter topic, this new information about Rin did pique her interest. Eli couldn't imagine a life where she wasn't the elder sibling, and therefore obligated to act and handle responsibilities in a way that made her someone to look up to. But Rin didn't have this anchoring relationship in her life; any self-worth she possessed had to come from her parents, people outside her family, or — failing all of those — _herself_. The past few years must have been difficult for her as she tried to look for that sort of validation. Sneaking a peek at the dress bag in Rin's hand, Eli wondered if that was the source of Rin's desire to fit a certain image of femininity.

"Eli-chan, are you even listening?"

The older girl smiled and kept staring at Rin's dress bag. "I was just thinking: it _is_ sad that you won't have a younger sister to show it to."

"Show what to?" Rin followed her line of sight and nearly doubled back. "W-well that's a g-good thing, y'know! I wouldn't want anyone to see me doing such embarrassing things..."

"What embarrassing things?" Eli stood up straight with her legs spread out and her hand on her hip — the same pose she would assume whenever she lectured Alisa. "Rin, I already told you before that that dress looks perfect on you. No one's going to laugh at you for putting it on. The shopkeeper didn't. I didn't."

"That's not true!" Rin said, shaking the arm carrying the dress bag. "E-even if you guys didn't laugh, I still felt like— like I could still hear it, when I looked at myself in the mirror..."

"Think about it, Rin. If no one else made those laughs you heard, then maybe they came from... yourself?"

"...Nya?"

Eli stepped up close, took both of Rin's hands, and made it so that the younger girl was holding the dress bag with both of them. "I know because I used to think I heard those laughs after every audition. I was so sure that everyone on the judges' bench was trying their hardest not to giggle at how lame I'd looked. But one time, I took a real, hard look at the judges right after one of my auditions. And you know what I saw?"

"They _were_ laughing after all!?" Rin's brow furrowed. "I can't believe they'd do that to the best Eli-chan in the world!"

"Nope, that's not it. In fact, it was the opposite: everyone looked focused and sincere, like they were really trying their hardest to understand how I was feeling. And that's when I knew that those 'laughs' I thought I was hearing weren't from them — they were all from this bigger and better version of myself that I'd built up in my head. The _real_ Eli-chan that I always said I would be one day, even though I knew, deep down, that it was impossible."

From the moment she started on about the 'bigger and better version of herself,' Eli saw a flicker pass over Rin's face. She continued: "So that's why you need to stop listening to those voices in your head, and start listening to the people around you. And you know what we're saying? 'Rin looks very cute in that dress.' No lies or tricks. That's exactly how we feel, from the heart."

Rin stood completely frozen, staring at Eli, and it was in this moment that Eli swore she could feel an actual spark between their shared gaze. But it was truly only for a moment, because that spark was replaced just as quickly with the immense gravity of wide, distant-looking eyes.

Eyes that Eli had seen only a few hours ago, on the Otonokizaka rooftop.

When Eli saw that, it was like the internal ropes keeping herself together had unwound themselves, as her entire body threatened to cave in on itself. Had their past few hours of bonding been for nothing? Or, worse yet, had Eli's nosy and domineering words just ruined what should have been a happy ending?

That last thought made Eli's eyes flee from Rin's gaze. If there was one experience Eli despised more than failing to keep a promise, then it was putting in the effort but ruining everything by her own hand. That was why she'd been so stubbornly adamant about dampening μ's' parade in its early days, while also propping up her own campaign to save the school — because giving in meant admitting defeat and her own incompetence. Back then, she'd had Honoka's hand to pull her out of that rut, but she wasn't afforded that same luxury here. In fact, now the roles were reversed, such that Eli would have to be the one to reach a hand out to Rin before the bridge they'd built to each others' hearts crumbled into dust.

But, as if Eli had been flung back into the past alongside Rin, she found it impossible to move her hand out or do much of anything at all. She could only stand and stare back at those wide eyes as the imaginary sound of Umi's metronome swept over her. It just kept counting — _Five! Six! Seven! Eight!_ — as Eli motionlessly moved through the events of the day that had brought her and Rin up to this point: her beckoning at the Otonokizaka gates, the fiasco at the knick-knack shop, dragging Rin into Cornerstone Dressers, putting on the ballerina dress against her will, buying the pink dress for Rin's sake...

_"Chin up, dear."_

The shopkeeper's words rung through Eli's ears so sharply that it made her whole body jolt with a gasp. Slightly embarrassing, but it had the added benefit of breaking the spell they were both in, as Rin also jolted back in surprise. At last, Rin opened her mouth to say something, and at first Eli was anxious to see what she'd have to say. But then she caught sight of those same eyes, seeing how they hadn't disappeared, so her spirits fell only a little when Rin said:

"Th-that's really good advice, Eli-chan. Since it's you, I'll definitely try to get more comfortable with wearing dresses. Rin promises!" She said this with her usual fervour, but there was a clumsy stumbling in the way she spoke, as if she were hung up on every word she was about to say. Eli expected herself to feel sympathy in the face of Rin's obvious self-denial, but instead, she was overwhelmed by the fact she was being lied to, as well as her own frustration toward an imminent failure. Heat coursed through her body as she prepared her arms and legs to step forward, all while a deep chasm of air welled up within her, waiting to be unleashed in a scolding reprimand. But then her mind flashed back to the last time she'd almost yelled at Rin in anger, so that the voice she heard next wasn't her own:

_"Chin up, dear."_

There it was again. But now that she could recall how powerless she had felt at Cornerstone Dressers, and what the shopkeeper had said in response, Eli knew why her mind kept playing back those three words. Rin might be lying to her face right now, but it was merely a defence to keep the younger girl's mind from folding in on itself. The girl in front of Eli might be as fickle and spontaneous as people come, but change from within couldn't happen that fast — Eli of all people would know that. Of course, there was the chance that Rin would never get over her self-consciousness and remain trapped in there forever — but that was all it was. A chance. Something completely out of Eli's control; another thing that she would have to 'let go'.

 _That's why_ , Eli thought as she looked down from Rin's eyes with a knowing sigh, _I have to believe in her to come to the right conclusion somewhere in the future. All on her own._

"I'm happy to hear that," Eli finally said. Her eyes trailed down her arm to the dress bag in her hand. "I'll do the same with the gift you gave me today. Next time we hang out like this, let's wear our new dresses together. Promise?"

Rin didn't seem to know what to say at first, but when Eli held out her pinky, life flushed back into her face all at once: _How can I refuse when Eli-chan is acting so cute and kiddy!?_

"Promise!" The younger girl said as she wrapped her pinky around Eli's own. Neither of their pinkies faltered. And neither did their eyes as they gave the final, definitive, and silent oath of the night.

Next came the usual farewells-and-see-you-tomorrows (along with Eli reminding Rin to try to come to school earlier than usual), but after the pinky swear, everything else that transpired seemed to flow off into the settling darkness — one that Eli found strangely soothing. The single image that stayed with her after all of this was the sight of Rin's back: that bob of eternally-bright orange hair sailing off through the waters of the night, skipping along with a sense of freedom and boundlessness.

Eli smiled as she headed for the front door, knowing in her heart for certain that this new treasure of hers would come back someday soon.


	7. Chapter 7

"Onee-chan...?"

Upon opening the door to her apartment, Eli was greeted with the sight of Alisa wiping her eyes. "Sorry," said Eli, "Did I wake you?"

"Kinda... Why were you out so late? Extended practice?"

"Oh no, nothing like that," said Eli as she stepped through the doorway. She felt a bit of resistance, then a _swish_ as something brushed against the wall, and then she remembered what she'd been holding in her hand.

"Eh...? Shopping?" Alisa poked the dress jacket with her finger. "I thought you said you were trying to save money lately... And isn't it kind of bad to be wasting your time shopping when you have other work to do?"

"H-hey, when did you become like Mom?" Eli giggled. "I'm free to do what I want with my time and money, aren't I?"

"...That's so weird."

"Eh?"

"You're being _weird_ , Onee-chan." Alisa stopped poking the bag to look into Eli's eyes. "Are you sure you didn't switch brains with some little kid?"

"Definitely not!" Eli took off her shoes and kicked them under the shoe closet. "Don't be ridiculous. But..." She set the bag down on the floor — gently, to make sure its contents didn't get wrinkled — then looked at Alisa with her hands on her hips. "Do I really sound that different to you?"

"It's not just how you sound. The way you're acting, the way you're _moving_ , it's like there's a ghost inside your body making you do things you would never do."

"Like what?"

"Like this!" Alisa threw open the shoe closet, revealing Eli's shoes in a dishevelled heap separate from all of the other shoes. "You _always_ get on my case about putting my shoes in the wrong spot, but then you go ahead and kick yours in like that!"

"I... Well... I was just too tired to fix them properly," Eli said, chastising herself for coming off as a hypocrite in front of her own sister.

"Hmmmm..." Alisa stepped up, leaning in close to Eli's face as she stared long and hard. She kept her brow furrowed for most of it, as if she were about to cry, 'Impostor! Impostor!' and rip the mask off of Eli's face — but then a spark flashed over her eyes as she seemed to find something in her older sister's expression. Finally, she said: "Maybe that's not entirely true. You're still Onee-chan, but there's just something _different_. I wouldn't say you changed, 'cause it's more like... something got out."

"'Got out?'"

Alisa gave a wry smile. "Are you sure you don't have a boyfriend you're hiding in secret, Onee-chan?"

"A b-b-b-boyfriend!?" Eli stumbled back and found herself pressed against the wall of their narrow hallway. Although she knew that Alisa's insinuation was one-hundred percent untrue, her mind went swimming with thoughts about her interactions with Rin the past few hours. Sure, the two of them had grown closer than most anyone that Eli had ever known, and they'd shared a few intimate moments together — but surely Eli didn't think about Rin in _that_ way, did she? She opened her mouth, trying to reorganize her brain to come up with some kind of a composed denial, but for the umpteenth time that day, she was upstaged by the faster verbal actions of a girl younger than she was.

Specifically, she was interrupted by Alisa's laugh. "Just kidding! But now I know for sure that you don't have a secret romance going on."

"How do you..." Eli stopped herself as she caught her reflection in the doorside mirror. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were bulging out in a way that screamed, _'How could I ever imagine myself with a boy!?'_ Seeing this embarrassed her at first, but then, just as quickly, she found a strange sense of relief in it, like she had missed seeing herself make such a ridiculous but lively face. _I look so... 'real'._

"But you were definitely with someone, weren't you?" Alisa said, passing Eli a handtowel to wipe away the sweat she'd worked up.

"That much is true."

"I won't ask you who it is... But whoever they are, they had as much effect on you as a boyfriend."

"You think so...?" Eli wiped the back of her neck, and was immediately reminded of how she'd let Rin apply that heat pad to her back after their kitty rescue. She could feel her cheeks flaring up, so she redirected the conversation away from herself by asking: "You're not speaking from experience, are you?"

"W-well..."

"You're _sure_ this isn't something you just 'learned' from some manga?"

"Mmm..."

Alisa twiddled her forefingers, making Eli laugh. "It's alright, Alisa. Just remember that it's important to separate fiction from reality. But at the same time..." Eli smiled as she recalled the unspoken pledge of no-lies, no-half-truths that she had shared with Rin, urging her to speak out what she truly felt: "I think what you said may have some truth to it."

Alisa looked up from her hands to smile at her older sister. Eli could tell from her sparkling eyes that she was hungry to ask and bug her sister over who this 'someone' was, but still she was able to restrain herself. The sight of it was enough to make Eli giggle to herself. _Even my darling little sister is behaving more maturely than usual... Or maybe she's always been more mature than I give her credit for?_

As if to make that question harder for Eli to answer, Alisa started poking the dress jacket again. "So what did you buy?"

"Careful!" said Eli, pulling the jacket away. "There's a brand new dress in there!"

"Really!? Can I see?"

"N-no!"

"What? Why?"

"Er..." Eli's response had been a kneejerk reaction; despite her promise to Rin just minutes ago, she clearly hadn't gotten over the embarrassment of being seen with something that so clearly recalled her childhood. It was like being caught naked, the way it laid herself bare and vulnerable... But like she'd told Rin, why was she so quick to assume that any prying eyes would immediately be filled with scorn? With that question in mind, she took a deep breath and — just like she'd done back onstage all those years ago — she peered through the glass, shattering it with her eyes, and took in her audience for who they really were. And when she did, she saw that all that was there was her little sister Alisa: someone whose naivete and pluckiness didn't quite agree with her own personality, but the one who, time and again, proved that she would always be someone to support Eli through thick and thin.

And Eli smiled at this, too, for she realized that Alisa wasn't the only person she could apply that description to. Making that connection gave her the conviction to pull the bag closer to her, deep into her arms — almost like a hug — and say:

"It's because I want the first time you see it to be me wearing it."

"Ohhh..." Alisa looked at her, then the bag with starry eyes. "That must be a _really_ special dress, then! You better keep your promise, Onee-chan!"

With a wink, Eli said: "You can count on it."

As the two of them broke off to head into their respective rooms, Eli was struck by how oddly spirit-raising it was for her to say those words. Taking on promises, oaths, and responsibilities had always felt like casting a spell on herself that made the imaginary boulder weighing on her shoulders even heavier. But this time, there was none of that sinking feeling; in fact, Eli would even say that her words felt uplifting.

That feeling lingered on for the next few minutes as Eli went about unpacking her bag, preparing a bowl of udon for herself, and eating in the comfort of her own room. Usually, on nights like this where she had loads of work to do, she would scarf down her food quickly and pragmatically like the soldiers she'd seen in movies who lived off rations. But this time, she spent longer than usual, nibbling on her noodles languidly as her mind drifted over the memories of the past day, linking what she'd learned and discovered about herself to many of the gaps and holes that had remained anxiously unfilled for years and years. Even after her bowl was empty, she couldn't bring herself to leave this realm of introspection until a different but familiar feeling caught her attention.

Jostled out of her thoughts, Eli looked up from her desk. She kept her room dimly lit as usual, with just the stray light of a lampshade to give her security and comfort, but that brightness she'd felt with Alisa earlier seemed to lighten everything up as if it were a miniature, friendly sun that radiated out from the center of the room. And like the sun, it gave Eli an all-encompassing feeling of warmth — but also something else. She couldn't put her finger on what exactly that something was, but it was an intuition, a sensory prediction that _something_ was coming, drawing itself nearer to her. Like light footsteps outside in the hall, growing louder and louder, until—

_*knock knock*_

"EEEEEEEK!"

"Hey, hey, what's wrong!?" Alisa threw the door open just in time to see Eli fall back on the floor with a loud and unbecoming _thud_.

"N-nothing," Eli said, taking Alisa's hand as she picked herself up, "You just startled me is all... Huh?"

Even after Eli was back on her feet, Alisa refused to let go of Eli's hand. Instead, she jerked her arm back to bring Eli closer. As this happened, Eli noticed that Alisa wasn't looking at her, but rather at what was behind her: the empty bowl that still hadn't been washed. Something that shouldn't have existed given Eli's obsession with doing chores right away.

Right after Eli made this observation, Alisa brought her wide-eyed gaze back to Eli and said: "You really have changed, you know? Getting lost in your thoughts like that..."

"I don't know what you're talking about," said Eli as she tightened her grip on Alisa's hand without realizing it. "I always have a lot to think about."

"Nuh-uh, nuh-uh!" Alisa shook her head cutely, in a way that made Eli relax a bit. This was a mistake, however, as it left her defenceless for what Alisa said next: "Whenever I see you think about something, it's always about stuff that's right in front of you, stuff that you can do right away. I've _never_ seen you think and completely stop moving. It's like... it's like... a football rolling down a hill and coming to a stop before the bottom. It just isn't natural."

Eli was dumbstruck for a second, but then chuckled. "Well, clearly you've spent a lot of time thinking about your Onee-chan." That observation sounded cute in Eli's head, but the moment she said it aloud, she was struck by the full extent of what this meant for her — of how grateful she should be for even being able to say that — and before she knew it, she'd taken a page out of Alisa's book and pulled her closer — into an embrace.

"...Thanks for that," Eli mumbled into the back of Alisa's head. She was surprised the next moment when she felt a pair of hands grab her by the cheeks and pull her head back so that she could be glared at.

"Now I know for _sure_ you can't be Onee-chan!"

"So then why aren't you letting go and running away?"

"...I never said I didn't like this, though," Alisa said as she brought her arms up to complete the embrace. Eli stroked her hair. _She's right about this being irregular_ , Eli thought, but at the same time, it didn't feel wrong for the two of them to be like this. Just like when she'd followed Rin's order to let go, this moment felt less like a foreign occurrence, and more like an expectation that she'd been waiting on for so long without even knowing it.

"...nce..."

"Huh?" Eli put a finger under Alisa's chin, lifting her face up so that whatever she was trying to say wouldn't get lost in Eli's shoulder again. "What did you say?"

She saw Alisa clear her throat before saying: "Since this Onee-chan spends more time thinking, does that mean... that you have an answer to my question from this morning?"

The next moment for Eli was like capping off a pen that had run amok with its ink. Immediately, she was brought back to this morning, to the words that had started it all: _"What does μ's mean to you?"_ And it was strange to think that the Eli who'd received that question, and the Eli looking back on it now, were entirely different people, separated by a single day of experiences. Perhaps Alisa's observations rung even truer than Eli could've imagined. But if that were the case, what would she do about this past self that had seemingly vanished? Had she stepped into a new phase of her life without even the chance to prepare for the road ahead?

_"Just let yourself fall."_

The sudden return of this phrase, as well as the realization of what it truly meant for Eli going forward, was enough to make her jolt a bit upright (earning more than a slight gasp of shock from Alisa). But more than that, it highlighted for her the main way her understanding of the world had been broadened, and how she herself fit within it.

And, as it so happened, this new role coincided with the answer that she finally gave at the end of this long, unravelling day. But that answer wouldn't reveal itself right away; she had to lead up to it, so to that end she said to Alisa:

"I do have an answer, actually. Or, I guess it would be more honest to say that I'm _close_ to an answer." She saw Alisa raise a brow and smiled. "You're right: your Onee-chan's been thinking about lots of things. About herself, her life, and how μ's fits into everything. But no matter how long I spend thinking, I can't seem to arrive at the answer I'm really looking for. So maybe, just maybe, I need someone else to listen to all of the things I've been keeping inside. Maybe then I'll find the key."

Alisa's eyes went wide again, no doubt shocked at the thought of her big sister opening up to her voluntarily. But as Eli had learned over the past day, this was nothing to be ashamed of. So it was without hesitation that she let herself out of the embrace and took both of Alisa's hands in hers, then said: "Would you be that listener for me, Alisa?"

The younger girl smiled and gave an affirmative nod. Her resemblance to Rin was not lost on Eli as she sat down on her bed and patted the spot beside her. When Alisa sat down so that Eli could feel the weight and warmth of her person, the elder sister expected herself to drown in anxiety and hesitation again. But instead, she was surprised at how freely her thoughts began to flow:

"For the longest time, I was dead-set on doing something that would leave something important behind. Something that people would look at and think, 'Yup, Eli Ayase-san did that.' You probably think it's because of my time as the student council president at Otonoki, but when I think about it honestly, that feeling's been with me for much, much longer. I was always afraid that if I didn't, then I'd get left behind. That people would think I hadn't really grown up enough. So your Onee-chan focused on doing everything on her own, even if that meant moving herself away from the very people she was trying to impress. But..."

She took this moment to catch her breath, and also to note how Alisa's wide-eyed stare matched Rin's back when they were spilling their hearts out to each other about their performance anxiety. This made it easier for Eli to launch into the next part:

"When I joined μ's, I learned that it didn't have to be that way. Sure, I could achieve something on my own, but once I did, where would I go from there? If my campaign to save Otonoki had worked, sure, I'd get my name mentioned in newspapers and such, but would it have gone any deeper than that? On the other hand, when I saved Otonoki with μ's, it _did_ end up being so much more. I got to touch the hearts of thousands of fans, and I made eight friends who I wouldn't trade for anything else in the world. And yet..."

Here, she felt a spark in her hand, from the moment of 'passing the torch' between her and Rin during their rehearsal. Then:

"The most important part, which I learned today, is that the best achievements go both ways. When you create something that really affects people, something that changes their lives, then those people will end up leaving their impact on you, too. That's the part I was missing this whole time: I was being too selfish, and only wanted _my_ influence to be felt. Remember how I was always scared before a recital, back in Russia? It's because I was fighting so hard against the audience, to make them see me as something special — but without letting myself give in to how their thoughts and feelings affected me. So it was like a war every time I was onstage. Like I said, I wanted to leave behind something big with my name — and _only_ my name — on it, so that 'war' was like the fight I had to win before I got my trophy."

"But you didn't need to fight," said Alisa, putting her hand over Eli's. "Because those other people weren't fighting you in the first place."

Eli nodded with a satisfied sigh. "Now you know how dumb your Onee-chan was. I don't know why I thought my achievement had to be lonely and selfish like that. Just because other people help you out doesn't take anything away from it. The hardest part, I think, is opening yourself up to being a part of something else. I used to think that meant letting other people step all over me... but because of μ's, I know that isn't what happens. When you let yourself fall into the arms of a group..."

Here, Eli paused, before continuing: "...or even just one other person, it's like catching a piece of yourself that always slips between your fingertips. You always think you know yourself better than anyone, but others see a whole lot of things that the mirror and your stubborn brain won't show. Some of those things might be bad, but then a lot of them are good, too — like how pretty you are, how kind you are, how helpful you are, how lovely of a sister you are..." — here she mussied up Alisa's hair, much to her chagrin — "...and what makes those thoughts worthwhile is that they won't go away. Unlike a statistic or some piece of paper, the role you play in someone else's life is something that's guaranteed to last a lifetime. Even if they forget from time to time, it'll always exist in how they act from then on, in how it helped them become the person they are now. And that makes for the best kind of achievement because if you do it right, then they'll have done the same for you, too."

Eli gave Alisa a moment to take everything in. Soon, the clock struck a new hour, and Eli used that as a cue to slide in a little closer and take Alisa's other hand — _Don't worry, say whatever's on your mind_. Alisa held on firmly to both of her sister's hands, giving them a squeeze as she said: "So you're saying that μ's is like a record of the kind of person you are?"

Eli gave a simple nod. She was going to leave it at that, but her face lit up as Alisa's description led her to find the word she'd been looking for ever since that passing of the torch on Hijiri-bashi Bridge. The satisfaction filled with her with a childlike glee, but instead of restraining it, she let the words fly out of her mouth, fast and free, just like the girl she'd crossed bridges with:

 _"Yes._ _μ's is my legacy."_

Those words hung in the air long after their final embrace, long after Alisa had left with a smile, long after Eli had washed her dinner bowl and then went straight to bed. She'd done so without thinking, her side suddenly colliding with the mattress as the physical and mental exertion of the day finally engulfed her. Thoughts of all the work she should've done tonight drifted into her mind, clouding her with guilt. But then her eyes drifted along the softly-lit wall to a poster, to a girl who was on it, and then to the smile she wore that seemed to light up the whole room. Eli smiled back, letting herself fall into that beckoning joy, the kind that tickled her younger self and reassured her older self in equal measures.

From that radiant point, her eyes zoomed out and brought the eight other girls on the poster into focus, making nine. Nine girls who were dear to her heart; nine hearts who would hold onto her dearly, long after her tenure as student council president got tucked away in the scrapbooks of time. It was this feeling of release, of finally finding someone to catch her, that brought Eli to close her eyes and fall asleep, for the first time in a long while, without minding the time that was passing by.


End file.
